Farewell Blues 2015

After copying in around 162 continuous assessments and assignments, arranging at least 35 projects from various universities, faking all the vivas for the same and changing roll numbers in at least 25 Memos for CREs, here we are, 54 end terms down and just 6 more to go. As someone rightly said "Waqt aur Sanjay Dutt kab nikal jate hain pata hi nahi chalta".Time is almost there for gharwapasi and to bid farewell to friends with whom we spent half the decade doing literally nothing.

Now that even juniors have started getting jobs and are being “sold off” to top firms, embarrassed unemployed seniors are getting thrill out of the fact that “at least we ragged them once”. To hide the shame they are coming out with innovative paralegal business ideas like opening a laptop/mobile depository centre outside Supreme Court or a law firm called “ Try Legal” that will shortlist only the last rankers and give it a “try”. I kid you not, we even considered publishing a summary of Bangia called “Jhanghia” and are very optimistic about its sale. Depending on it's Success we might come up with summary of Bennion too called Baniyan, in collaboration with AKS. Jhanghia & Baniyan is all we’ll be left with, after college.

For many of us, future and life after college is still the least of all concerns because there is so much more to worry about before that. Have a look at some of the pressing issues.

1)       How to frame a wannabe funny e-mail invite for my last sem SDL party and try to sound funny without using Ganguli’s photo ?

2)      Should the theme be “No pants party” or simply no party ?

3)      What is a better option: Asking Amritambu to get us discount on booze from army canteen or to be on a safer side, simply mixing one RS bottle with fifteen buckets of Tang ?

4)       Should I google “ Tips to deliver an impressive farewell speech” and pretend that it is spontaneous or just pull out a drunk NAMO on Stage.

Girls have already bought and rejected 28 sarees for farewell and they will use all the negotiation skills they learnt in law school to convince their friends not to wear that off white chanderi rose butti saree because they might wear similar colour and design. After hunting for 69 dresses for conti and other random SDL parties, all over Lajpat nagar and Sarojini during internship, they have given up and are hoping that their search will end at “Search ends” in Sardarpura, Jodhpur.

 Boy’s on the other hand, have just two primary concerns:

1)       How to ask their crush to be their slaves

2)       How to avoid spending much on slave dinner.

It is that stage of life where we are too ashamed to ask money from parents but at the same time we also want to bid farewell to college life with a bang. To cover up the extra last Sem expenses of parties, conti, slave dinner, group trip, farewell and more parties, we go back to Vedas and realize the worth of all the books lying in shelf, untouched for years and start selling them one by one. Juniors have already called dibs on your furniture and other appliances while Madan Sa and Sanju have become extra friendly and made several visits to your rooms carefully examining all the items from cooler to mattress and even that Scooby doo boxer you left hanging in the cloth stand.

 Some 5^th years have even started regretting not being very nice to their immediate juniors coz now 4^th years have the power to fuck up their farewell night.
 Dear fourth years, always remember that with great power comes great party. In case you wish to organize a farewell for us in NLU’s traditional style (which is not mandatory, btw) I have a few tips and suggestions based on my personal views and experience:  

•   You have to be very vigilant about who are friends with whom during this sem to allot the group slot on stage while also dealing with weird specific demands of my batch mates.
        No, you cannot send all weirdoes together in one group irrespective of their bonding. Nope.
• Songs that you choose for intro must have some relevance to individual’s personality. No, I am not fine with you playing “ Buddha Hoga Tera Baap” for me. Sorry.

•  Do not kill each other for difference in opinion regarding the THEME of the farewell and don’t become 007 to keep it secret from other batches. Nobody gives a shit and majority doesn't even understand. No, “Brazzers” is not an appropriate theme for our batch. “Orgy” neither :|
•   Even honey Singh’s party chalti hai only “till six in the morning” so keep it short and try to wind up before sunrise, unlike us.
         No you won’t get attendance in Prateek sir’s class if you enter 5 mins late that morning.
•   No need to show extra affection and have 58 dance performances before each group. It’s like watching unwanted commercial between Sunny Leone’s video, that you can’t even skip. Unless there’s something extra ordinary or personal dedication, try not to bore people and don't extend time.
        No, you can’t have “what does the fox say” or “Kolaveri Di” this year too.
•  My heartiest sympathy to people in IT team, who have to  collect and compile all pictures and songs only to get scolded coz that favourite Shahrukh song u used for him was supposed to be for her. Moreover screen won't even be visible in daylight so all your efforts will be wasted.
  

        No u can’t click pictures on the spot and use it in a one slide ppt like I had to do for some. For those people who don’t share a single pic on social media you can always say” Selfie kheench ke phone pocket mein daal liya ? Kitne selfie-sh hain aap”
  
                                                     

Anyways it’s too early for our farewell , right now it's time to bid farewell to 2014. We have so many things lined up this last sem : Acad week, cul week, sports week, day Zero for junies, tests, end terms,moots and endless parties. In the end I would like to say that "It’s been a great year. Thank you for spamming my facebook wall by your photo collages that no one opened.

                                                                           Happy New year !

                                                 

New VCleaks Part III (Diwali Special)

It’s that point of the semester again when we are calculating the cost of batch sweatshirt and the number of people who will remain with us in the batch.

Although there have been several incidents lately that called for a revolutionary protest in the college, but it was today’s notice declaring Diwali as a working day that forced me to investigate the matter in detail, one more time. I grabbed my notepad and entered the staff room to interview some of the faculty members regarding such atrocious notice.

As soon as I entered, I saw “Anand ki Tayari” Sir, smiling broadly and printing some “ Happiness is ...” quotes to be pasted in his cubicle. I wanted to note down his response so I asked “ Excuse me sir, do you have a pen ? To which he replied “ Do I really look like a guy with a PEN?” flashing his gold chain that was peeping out of top buttons of his shirt.

 I asked him how does he feel about working on Diwali, to which he waved someone from the other cubicle and said, “It’s wonderful! I prefer coming to work every day. There’s so much one can do during the working hours. I think even Sundays should be made working.” Saying this, he was lost in thoughts, smiling and saying to himself “ Me soo crazy”.

I moved further ahead to see what Sir “Suha Saha” has to say about this.

 “ Okay.. see..Isn’t it better ? Okay...Anyways we won’t be taking classes on Diwali okay,.... and then you are getting official holiday for next day..okay.. so it’s a Double Diwali Dhamaka, okay.. ! Enjoy..okay !!!” He Finished, using "okay" 98 times in total. He was later seen going out with Romas Sir, but was stopped by security guards at the gate for out passes.

I looked around the staff room to see who might share my sentiments and my eyes fell on Ms. Rashmy Jain. As soon as she saw me approaching towards her, she shouted “ I have marked you present for today, don’t worry.” I said “ No Ma’am, I just wanted to know how do you feel about today’s notice?”“I will give attendance to everyone tomorrow, No problem” She assured. Having said this, she smiled for 23 minutes and then resumed some submission work on her MacBook.

As I turned back, I bumped into “Shokeen Sir” who wished me Happy Diwali, at once. I asked him which seminar paper is he taking this year so that I can decide accordingly for my choice, to which he suggested” just sign where everyone else is signing, that’s my paper only. Also there is a lot of Diwali season sale these days. Keep an eye, It will be beneficial.” I thanked him several times and wished him Happy Diwali thrice.

Then I entered Mannu sir’s office who cracked this joke for 28^th time “ See.. on Choti diwali, I took a choti class, so on Badi Diwali I will take a Badi class” He he haha ha hue hue hue hu ha ha!...”And listen, I have invited some Alumni from Jodhpur who are coming home for Diwali, for a small Alumni meet. Please ask Ikron to make a video about it and you also help. Thanks”

As I was coming out, I saw the warden with a pile of show cause notices in his hand. I asked his reaction about today’s notice to which he replied ”yeh sab pharji kaam mat kiya karo. Ja ke padhai likhai karo, kya interview phinterview mein time waste karte ho?” As I was moving away he grabbed me by my trouser's pockets, suspecting crackers inside ” Patakha toh nahi phod raha hai na acad block mein”.

No sir. I was just.....

“Be careful! warna is baar Pharji Phine laga dunga!”

I ran away from there as fast as I could.

Later that night I saw P.A to VC coming out of office at midnight. I asked him “Sir, why so late ?” he said “ what do you mean late ? today is the full working day, not a half day holiday till 3 like on Diwali.” After a bit of informal chat he revealed that VC Ma’am gets her salary on daily basis so more the number of working days, better it is for madam and the administration.

A corrigendum mail followed the previous mail declaring tomorrow as holiday and day after as half day. All faculty members are wishing Happy Diwali on Batch IDs and Geetika J, was found upset by all these spamming on Batch ID's. Bee commented " I dont like this new notice. The font looks bad" 

Meanwhile Sanyam caterer guy was arguing with Registrar "Why is it that Joshi ji and his staff always gets holiday on Diwali while we have to serve food that night ?" A prasad ki thali came flying from Ganga mess and fell on his face.

                           Wishing a very happy and a safe Diwali to all my readers !!!!!!!!!!!

[ Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to faculty members or students is purely coincidental] 

After Party Ke Bhi After...

You can loosen your seat belts now as the beautiful journey on the Highway has reached its finishing point. One hell of a ride it was! We never slowed down, even when there were barriers ahead, we had VVIP passes, so dint even stop at the Toll Plazas, the drivers dint relax even for a second to take a nap or a Bidi break. We all wished that the long drive at NH-65 never ends. But one has to get down at their stop even if “Manjil Se Behatar Lagne Lage Yeh Raaste”

Best part was that it would’ve made our faculty members proud who could've never imagine students who always sneaked out after attendance in their classes, working so hard voluntarily without expecting any attendance or marks in return. Those students who snooze the alarm for 10 minutes at 9:00 in the morning for 8:30 class, were seen running around the campus to attend the contingents and providing them everything they need as early as five in the morning. 

Even the guards at the gates must be feeling pity about the people at the registration desk, who had to sit at one place from early morning till late evening providing answers to every query, even the ones like“breakfast mein beer milegi ?” or “Amity se sabse hot bandi kaun aayi hai?” Some requesting for  registration but refusing to produce College ID, while DJ played, “ Kehti to hai student hai but I doubt!”, in the mess arc.

After the action packed four days full of enthralling academic intellect, electrical cultural performances and crazy party every single night, I wont be surprised to see all the people involved in the fest  Dancing in the shower , Salman style with a towel held between their legs to“ Jeene ke the chaar din, Baki hain bekaar din.”

We had joy, we had fun, we lost and we won, and the party was on till we welcomed the sun.The after party this time, like always determined that the fest was a huge success. Party literally " chali thi till 6 in the morning." As Aptly described by the great philosopher YO YO honey Singh," Jab saari duniya so jati hai, after party ho jati hai, after party ke bhi after, jo chale yeh woh party hai"

All good things come to an End. We had very lovely and talented guests this time who not only made this fest a legendary success but also never complained about any inconvenience that might have occurred. Hope you had a great time here and wishing to see your participation in such big numbers and high spirits again.

I can totally imagine you saying to our contingent In-charges this morning  ” Jahan se tum mujhe laaye ho, mein wahan wapas jaana nahi chaahti,  jaha le ja rahe ho waha pahuchna nahi chahti.. Par ye rasta. ye bohot achha hai”

[Note: This is the edited version of final editorial for Highway Hues:The NH-65 Insider]

Harry Potter & The Prisoners of NLU

Harry had packed his trunk and was all set to go to Hogwarts.He reached the platform nine and three quarters with his trolley and ran into the pillar with his eyes closed.He opened his eyes.A scarlet steam engine was waiting next to a platform packed with people.This was not the Hogwarts express as he expected but the sign overhead said “ Mandore Express”.

Bewildered and confused he turned around and to his relief, saw Hagrid standing behind him. Dobby was hiding behind his huge legs.

“You are now an NLUite Harry  !” Said Hagrid in a pitiful voice.

I am a.... what !! Gasped Harry.

An NLUite Harry. After ‘You know Who’ s return, It is not safe for you to be anywhere near Hogwarts. As per Dumbledore’s orders you are to be sent to National Law University, Jodhpur. Dumbledore feels that it is the safest place for you as no one has even heard of “Jodhpur” even in the muggle world of its own country. Great man Dumbledore!

“But.....” before Harry could ask anything, Hagrid was gone.

Dobby looked at him with his large bulging eyes and said" Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts sir.Dobby has come to send him to NLU for Harry Potter's own safety, even if Dobby has to shut his ear in the oven door later". Then with a crack like a whip, Dobby Vanished too.

Harry boarded the train with grief and thought that if Dumbledore wants it, it must be for the greater good. He was after all, Dumbledore’s man through and through.

On his journey to the college Harry asked for a copy of Daily prophet from the newspaper vendor, who gave him disgusted look and handed over him a copy of Dainik Bhaskar instead. It was full of news regarding administration at NLU and Harry knew that his stay is not going to be less dangerous than in Hogwarts.

Harry reached the main gate of NLU in an auto and saw that the middle gate that led to the hostels was locked. Pulling out his wand and pointing towards the gate he shouted “ Alohomora”. He heard a loud BANG. The sound had not come from the door,but from under his own ear as the security guard had slapped him hard, yelling “ This gate opens only for the VC madam. Take the long route around”.

Harry reached the SRK halls of residence  and saw that some seniors from NS were gathered outside the hostel asking some frightened freshers to say five lines about rose.Harry pulled out his invisibility cloak to evade the ragging and tried to sneak out unnoticed but the door was crammed with loserly seniors who stood there as if watching a quidditch world cup. Harry stood there invisible waiting for a gap when a fresher started reciting his lines:

Sirs & ma'ams...Rose is red in colour..Sirs & ma'ams..Rose smells good..Sirs & ma'ams Rose has thorns also..Sirs and ma'ams” the frightened boy murmured.

A fatty then asked him to stop and replace the word “Rose” with “My Ass”

 The boy hesitated and then started reluctantly “Mmm Sirs and ma'ams..My ass is red in colour..Sirs & ma'ams my ass smells good.Sirs & ma'ams...my ass has thorns also..Sirs & Ma'ams”.Everyone roared with laughter and literally rolled on the floor laughing. Harry seized the opportunity and rushed inside the door pushing the seniors aside who were too amused to notice anything.

During his stay, he discovered that there were two type of students. Those who mooted, considered themselves superior and of pure blood while others without moot or job were considered filthy non mootbloods.The Administartion was trying hard to eliminate all the non mootbloods by means of demotion and debarment so that only the pure blood stays in campus.

Harry was expecting the exotic feast like the one in Hogwarts at the beginning of the term and went to mess thinking of  roast beef, lamb chops, sausages, bacon and puddings. His heart sank to see the Ganga and Sanyam caterer's menu that had every flavor beans except with mostly vomit and ear wax flavor.He approached the vegetarian mess Ganga, but as he went near Joshi Ji, his scar tickled and burned with pain. He retreated at once.

Harry  decided to just take a pack of lays and a coke from the non veg mess. He shouted out his order to atleast six people attending the Sanyam caterer’s counter but no one seemed to have heard or understood anything. He repeated his order thrice to an elderly man who hopefully made some movement but went inside and never returned.

 He shouted  Accio Lays.. Accio Coke and to his surprise none of them noticed or cared as the pack and a bottle came flying from the shelf into his hand. Without making the payment he left the counter murmuring” even Crabbe & Goyle are not that dim witted.”

Harry had brought his bottle of butter beer with him and went upstairs on the hostel’s roof to enjoy. As soon as he opened the bottle, he heard quick footsteps approaching towards him and  several figures emerging in the dark. The dark figure in the middle looked like Filtch and the one beside him wore a cap and his face resembled that of Mrs Norris. He stood up and tried to hide his bottle of butter beer but Mr Norris  had already seized it and was writing down his name and room number while Filtch was asking him to pay a fine of Rs 5000/- with a show cause notice in his hand.

Harry dint know what to do and said “Sorry bhaiya !”  Filtch lost his temper and started shouting” Bhaiya ?!! who is bhaiya here?!! I am a senior Phaculty here !! 100 Points from SRK and now your penality is 10,000/-

Harry later found out from other students that it was the Chief Warden and his assistant Richpal who like Filtch and Mrs Norris patrol the hostel corridors at late hours. More so when they run out of alcohol.

Harry dint have enough muggle money to pay the fine. He decided to plead mercy to the Vice chancellor for waiver of fine.With great difficulty he managed to get an appointment and as he entered her office he found The VC sitting in her chair surfing yatra.com. He guessed at once that she must’ve definitely flunked some students and now looking for flights to stay out of campus till debarred students have gone back home.

“Good afternoon” said Harry.

“Tch tch “, said VC ” That wont do. Now will it. I should like you please to say “ Good afternoon Professor Dr Vice Chancellor ma'am”. One more time, please.

“Good afternoon Professor Dr. Vice Chancellor ma'am “  Chanted Harry.

There now, she said sweetly. That was not too difficult, was it ?

Harry had guessed by now that it was a wrong decision to come here.It was Professor Umbridge all over again.Yet he was determined to say what he came for.

Professor  .. he said, I’ve come to..

She raised her hand to silence him and spoke with a broad smile” I know all about your case Harry. Your file is already in my office inside the vulnerable student’s folder for this sem's repeat result. I might allow to deduct your fine from the security deposit if you act as my spy to help me eliminate all the non mootbloods from this institution.Also give me names of all the students who drink butter beer in the hostels and give in writing that you will never indulge in such activity again.

Harry raised his fist in fury and showed her the inscription at the back of his right hand that read“ I must not tell lies” and stormed out of the office. 


He heard the VC standing behind him, arms stretched like that of Gandolf, screaming " You Shall Not Pass... this semester"

Harry wanted to go outside the campus to get some fresh air. As he was storming out of the main gate, he was stopped by guards who asked him to give something called “ Out pass”.

Harry had no clue about the use of an out pass.

 He went to  an elderly security supervisor, Arjun Singh, who brushed his moustache and said “ you can not Apparate and Disapparate inside NLU campus without an out pass. He then came closer to harry and murmured mysteriously” there are seven of them for this month and you have to procure it from the chief warden who holds it close to his heart.It is dearer to him more than his life." He then broke into trance and said in a frightening voice " Students have been held captive in the campus for months. Only you can save them.Go Harry, Find all the out passes and destroy it forever".

Getting the seven out passes from the same chief warden seemed a more difficult task than finding the seven horcruxes. Harry, determined to save the prisoners of NLU started investigating at once. He pulled out the Marauder's map  to look for the secret way out but even the ATM route was guarded. 

His eyes fell upon other movements in the map.A black dot labelled OP kept jumping up and down.Similar was the dot labelled RPD. Another dot labelled AKS had a very distinct movement. He goes to the washroom everyday at exact same time and after spending exactly 3 minutes, comes out. Harry wondered whether he was the heir of Slytherin and trying to open the Chamber of Advocates with this ritual movement from some secret passage in the bathroom.

But the most mysterious movement came from the dot that read Joshi Ji. He will go to Registrar's office everyday and come out secretly. Then he will go to Sanyam caterer's kitchen and sneak out secretly.This suspicious movement made him curious and he decided to follow him. Ever since his scar has pained, he doubted that there was something Odd with Joshi Ji.

Next day he pulled out his invisibility cloak again and followed Joshi Ji. As he entered the Registrar's office, Registrar greeted him like his equal , ordered for tea & poha and promised to renew his tender for next five years. Joshi also made him buy a coupon diary for 500/-. Harry knew at once that Registar is under the Imperious curse and Joshi was using it to get his job secured since the begining of this college. He then followed Joshi to the Sanyam Catere's kitchen and saw that Joshi pulled out his wand and pointing towards all the employees  shouted " Confundus". Now harry knew the reason why they were all so confused and stupid. Joshi has been using the confundus charm to reduce the efficiency of his competitor caterer. 

Harry removed his cloak and before Joshi could strike him he cried " Expelliarmus" and Joshi's wand came flying into harry's hand. Harry then used "Levicorpus"and Joshi Ji hung in mid air upside down. Harry was disgusted to see his Rupa Boxers and an old bronze chain that had " Sanju" inscribed on it.

He demanded Joshi Ji to confess his evil plan or he will use the cruciatus curse. Joshi begged for mercy and pulled out a silvery stream, neither liquid nor gas from his brain. Harry couldnt find a pensive to pour it in so he took a bowl of Joshi Ji's paneer masala that has so much oil in it that it was fit for the purpose. He dived into the oil  as he heard faint voices of Joshi that cried " 32/- ka paneer tha ...

Harry's feet landed in registrar's office. It looked like several years ago.A young Joshi was sitting in then registrar Ratan Nura's office and was convincing him to give him the contract for non-veg mess too.

" But Dileep's menu is good", said the registrar patting Joshi's back.

"I have already asked Madansa to plant dead rats and lizards in DMD mess.Aseri will be conducting a raid anytime soon. Dileep wont be here for long" said Joshi.

I am afraid, I can not give you the non veg mess. More so, after you were found entering hostels and catching pigeons. I know what you are up to Joshi.

" But I can not survive on vegetarian mess alone. All students go out to eat and no one touches my food. They would rather have maggi at Hans but not my food"

"I can not help it" said registrar still trying to rub his shoulders.

"You can" Suggested Joshi. "There is a way! If you could restrict the students from going out of campus, they will be forced to eat my food.

Very well then, I will direct the chief warden to issue out passes as miserly as he could.

 The memory got blurred and faded away and Harry was back into the kitchen but Joshi had disapparated from there by then.

Now, Evrything was clear to Harry. Just like Voldemort Jinxed the Defense Against The Dark art's post after he was refused the same, Joshi ji has Jinxed the non-veg Mess after he was refused the job and that is the reason why there has not been a single caterer who continued for more than a year in that mess.DMD, Shubham, Anita and now Sanyam....all the caterer's have been the victim of Joshi's Jinx who alone stayed till the last while others came and went. And Joshi was the brain behind the out pass system that kept the students captive inside campus.

Harry resolved to find and destroy all the out passes and set free the prisoners of NLU. He knew that Joshi must've gone to the registrar again.He ran towards the office and as he entered the Admin Block, his eyes fell on the notice board's Education Decree Number 420 that read " The Vice Chancellor is pleased to announce that the following students have been expelled from the university on disciplinary grounds.They are ordered to leave the university campus with immediate effect. And as per the University's policy there shall be no appeal or consideration in this matter.That apart, entering the Vice Chancellor's office is also prohibited." He scrolled down to see the names and there it was. Harry Potter.

Harry forgot everything about freeing the prisoners and tried his best to save his own ass but nothing happened.He tried all the magic he knew and did everything possible in his capacity to get a fair hearing, even requested for a trial by Combat but nothing worked.

  He was last heard to have been sighted in the mental ward of St Mungo's Hospital for magical maladies and injuries. Joshi Ji and VC had won yet again. Harry was THE CHOSEN ONE in the list of debarred, expelled and demoted students and like all others he too was THE BOY WHO COULD NOT LIVE in NLU.


                                                                        ~ THE END ~

Sab Sutte Jalane Wale Hain, Acche Din Aane Wale Hain !!!!!

Na cigarrette , Na cigar

Abki baar, Modi sarkaar !!!!

What else were you expecting from the guy promising to make the country on Gujarat Model, which is a liquor free state.

I wont be surprised if Modi in his next speech says " Mitron !! Meri sarkaar mein sutta jalane ke liye, Chappan Inch Ka Seena hona chahiye !!!!!!

I remember the days when we used to get Silk cut for Rs 2 without feeling like 2RsPeople.

 But today an average smoker( smoking 10 milds daily) has to spend about 150 per day i.e 4,500 per month.

Agar Aap Ek Aam Dhumr Paan Karne Wale Ke Wallet Ko Khangalein To Usmein Bohot kum Matra Mein Mahine Bhar Ke Paise Milenge. Itne Kum paise jo aapko Gareeb, Bohot Gareeb kehlane ke liye kaafi hain.

Had Mukesh Harane been among us, he would've quit for sure now.

If u haven't realised the seriousness of the new pricing, imagine yourself buying 15 packs of Lays or Maggi, EVERYDAY !

I just counted that you can take about 20 puffs from a stick of milds (that is 15/- now) thereby costing Rs 1.3 for each puff. Now our wallet would be like " Jab bhi cigarrette jalti hai, main jalta hun "

Raj Babbar claims that full meal is available in Mumbai at Rs 12 . Someone ask him, Sir, what about the after meal fag  ?

I am sure Modi has listened to the epic BC Sutta song by Zeest  that was a quite a craze in our times. However his version would be like
 " Elections Hue, Tu PM Ban Gaya
    Budget Nikala, Sutta mehenga kar diya
    Acche din ki khatir mera sutta Chin Gaya....
    BC Sutta.. mujhe sutta na mila..
    BC, MC, BC MC BC MC .....

As if Modi Sarkaar was not enough, College has gone insane with random raids and inspection these days. A junior just got Rs 1000/- fine for smoking. Alas ! He could've bought 10 packs of choti gold.

And they were kind enough to seize our hardly opened bottles and served us with show cause notice which was probably typed while they were partying at the cost of our booze. Now how can you show the legitimate cause for drinking yaar.  Imagine the amount of money they can earn if they continue such inspections regularly.
 We must strive to set that fund apart for opening nicotine and alcohol Rehabilitation centers in the campus.

Now the good thing about this budget was that tobacco and aerated drinks are dearer while footwear are cheaper. Iska matlab Samjhe Daya !!
 Iska matlab koi hai, jo chahta hai ki hum Hans pe baith ke sutte aur coldrink pe time na waste karein, but chappal utha utha ke In sabko maarein !

All I can say to  the smokers is that, Sutte ke baare mein Ab Jyada mat Sochna. Dil mein aata hai, Budget mein Nahi.

Kyunki Fifth Years Bhi Kabhi Freshers The

Dear Freshers

Yes, this is how it feels to finally give up on IIT/PMT and every other dream career of your parent's choice and accidentally hitting  a jackpot by making it to one of the most prestigious and chilled out institution of the Country. Welcome to THE NLU.

Your parent's mantra during board exams must still be ringing in your ears " These are crucial years that will determine your whole life. work really hard now you can enjoy later". Trust me no one is going to ask your boards marks ever again, except few of your kamine friends. 

And the "later" that your parents were talking about is "NOW"

But before you start knitting dreams about  Bollywood style college life,

here are a few tips :-

1) First month is the BUMPER SALE SEASON for getting a girlfriend/boyfriend at discounted rate. Stock will be over before you can unpack your bags. So HURRY !!!*

*Conditions Apply

2) NLU Campus is strictly "No Alcohol Zone"! *

* ([ROABFL WBIOH AWIA] - Rolling On Acad Bloc's Floor Laughing With Beer In One Hand And Whiskey In Another)

3) Do Not Buy "MY 6 subject notebook". Trust me you wont use it. You can play  TIC TAC TOE in your smart phones only.

4) Maintaining a decent CGPA is very important but that shouldn't be the only thing you do here. To quote one of our Professor- " CGPA is like a Bikini beta, It shows you everything, but hides the most important assets".

 P.S: Do not take the platform in his class.

 5) Believe me it is really hard to Fail in this college. But with determination and consistency, nothing is impossible.

 6) 'Repeat' is like Heropanti here. Sabki Aati nahi, Aur kisi kisi ki Jaati nahi.

7) Courses are structured as per the availability of the faculty and not the other way round. Most faculty members are like those of Defense Against The Dark Arts. No one lasts longer than a year.

8) NLU people are ex officio brand ambassadors and official agent of National Handloom ( One stop shop for everything ranging from toilet paper to cooler) in Jodhpur. Dikhawe pe mat jao, apni akal lagao.

9) Compel your floor mates to buy their own bucket and broom and in some cases toothpaste and Deo. You might consider it frivolous right now  but very soon you will be moaning regretfully "NGS had warned me".

10) Be nice to Assholes in your batch. They will be the first one to get PPO's and Job.

PS: No offence

PPS: Unstoppable Offence, Immovable Defence. GAME ON.

 11) Dont get excited by the variety of dishes available in the menu. You will eventually survive only on chilli Aloo from one mess and Omelette from the other.

12) If you are a party animal, you are entering the Jungle here. Drink, Dope, have long poker nights, download torrent, access LAN, get food delivered in your room from Tuck shop and chill.You are in a holiday resort for 5 years.

For Inside details see here ;)

13) Apply in All the committees. It works like Government's ministry. Just like Smriti Irani in HRD , U can be in any committee irrespective of your lack of expertise in that field.

14) You are now our substitute to compulsorily attend all the conferences and seminars organised for God Knows who.

15) Acting ultra smart and over funny in first few weeks is quite natural, but everyone will know you -in and out- very soon so don't make a fool of  yourself by acting like Charlie Sheen when you know you are Alan at heart.

16) Never let this misleading thought linger in your mind - "Now I have an NLU Tag, my life is set". Getting a welcoming ENTRY here was a cake walk but a respectful EXIT is hard to earn.

Moreover never forget that Rahul Gandhi too has a Harvard and Cambridge Tag, if that helps. 

I had, once drawn an analogy between NLU and The Hunger Games, which is still relevant

• You were in the "Reaping"(Clat) as a result of ur rebellion against PCM/Bio.
• Everyone wants a show here.Wont mind setting oneself on fire.
• Best way to survive here is to make friends with the "Sponsors" (Placement people) who will provide you with in-game supplies (Internships).
• You will have to make friends with people who,you know will kill you at the right time.
• Rules of the games can change anytime ( Attendance fine,tests,and syllabus) 

So Guys. HAPPY HUNGER GAMES. MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOUR !!!