Aam Aadmi's Relationship Issues

This indeed is a season of Aam Aadmi. It has affected each and every household and everyone is talking in those terms. Today when my mom shouted angrily this cold morning “Aaj bhi tum nahi nahaye na ? aakhir kab nahaoge ? I was quick to reply “ Kal se pakka , jab 700 litre paani free hoga aur geyser ka charge 50 % less lagega.

 Excuse Level: Kejriwal :P

Seeing my interest in public service these days, a friend of mine came to me and shared that he likes a girl and that girl too is giving him hints of  “unconditional support”, and asked my advice. I told him “ dekh bhai, hum aam aadmi hain, chote aadmi hain, dabe , kuchle , bechare, single log hain. Par humare Mudde hain. There is nothing like “unconditional support”. It’s a trap.

Then I grabbed a pen and paper and made a list of 10 issues that should be clarified before entering into any kind of relationship. One copy to be sent to the girl and other to his ex- boyfriend(s).  

                   Issue 1 : VIP treatment to the girlfriend should be stopped

No Boy of Delhi, either friend zoned or committed , will give ride around the city to his girl in his car or bike.They will have to travel by metro and charges will be shared.

                  Issue 2: “ Jaanu Look at Bill “

Boys will agitate and protest against Jaanu Look at bill policy and girls will have to pay their own bill. A strong agitation and protest will be carried out to make boyfriends independent.

                 Issue 3: Re-instating Boys Raj

Power to decide on matters regarding talking on phone and meeting will be given straight to boys. They are not expected to compromise on sports or booze party to attend their girls.

           Issue 4: Friendship to be given Full Status of committed relationship

 All the friend zoned nice guys to be given the status of a committed relationship and should not be exploited under the cover of being friends.

           Issue 5: Auditing of Telephone Bills

 It will be the duty of both the parties to get tariff plans fulfilling the needs of both the parties and boys alone will not get special tariff recharge while girls giving them missed calls. Each other’s phone will be recharged on reciprocal basis.

         Issue 6: Last seen on Whatsapp

Some boys suspect that their girls say good night early but are last seen on whatsapp at a much later time. An independent friend will be appointed to look into this.

         Issue 7 :Seven Kisses a Day For Free

All boys are entitled to get at least seven kisses a day for free, without giving a gift in any form. However on exceeding seven kisses, girls can demand a chocolate or an ice-cream.

        Issue 8: Regularization of Arguments

Senseless arguments by the girls shall not be entertained and girls are expected to have some  point appealing to the reasoning of a prudent man while Arguing. Use of tears is strictly prohibited.

       Issue 9: Dates to be Dropped by 50 %

Demanding to go out on date every second day needs to be checked and focus should be on spending quality time within budget. A movie in the weekend and at max a dinner out should be more than sufficient.

      Issue 10: Anti Dumping Policy

Once the support is given, It shouldn’t be withdrawn before six months of the relationship.

Now if you are willing to support me in all the above mentioned issues , SMS " I love you " with a kissing smiley on my number and block your ex-boyfriend(s) from whatsapp and Facebook.

Don’t underestimate the power of a common man ;)

ISKA FAISALA JANTA KAREGI !

[Note: This is my unedited post for faking news ( www.my.fakingnews.firspost.com) dated 23-12-13)]

Resolution 2014

As per my new year resolution 2004, drafted under the influence of adrenalin rush after reading Shiv Khera's "Jeet Aap Ki", I am an alumni of IIT-K, presently in IIM-A, and all set to settle abroad. Today when I sit to pen down my Resolution 2014 I see myself sitting jobless for more than a month now, surfing FB, and clicking at picture of Shiv Khera that reads Aap Chutiye Hain.

  This was bound to happen as at the end of every year I take life's most important decisions, and design the master plan of my life , either under the shower or while taking a dump. So I'm not surprised that it all went down the flush. Anyways, jab ghar mein pada ho Sona..phir kahe ka rona Zzzzzz....

Although Shiv Khera taught me that Losers don’t make different mistakes, they repeat the same mistakes differently, It is hard to resist the temptation of making a new year resolution one more time. However old you might be, you give yourself one more chance. Wanna know my resolution ? ( Don’t worry, I wont crack the 1920 x 1080 HD resolution joke)

 It is said that it is never too late for anything. But mine is ICU case. Now when I pray to God, even God acts like a filmy doctor and says “ Agar aap 2-3 saal pehle yahan aaye hote to shayad aapki Zindagi hum bacha sakte the. I am sorry ”

One more year comes to an end and I am still pondering over questions like " Why do men have nipples" Aur Agar Bob Marley to hum kyon na maar lein ?? Now when my Dad shows concern about my future and asks “ Ab toh college over hone wala hai, NOW DECIDE. KI KYA KARNA HAI ” Instataneously Blue eyes lyrics starts playing in my crazy head to complete his line…

“Tujhko to zara sa bhi darr na hai.

Champagne ger di tune meri pant pe,

kehti hai change kar lo hotel leke Rent pe”

When I come back to senses I hear him finishing his speech “ Yehi haal raha to ek room bhi nahi le paoge rent pe ”

It is wrong to call it a new “year” resolution. At max you can call it a “week” resolution. That too very rarely. Every January I make sure that my alarm is set in time for early morning jogging and even authorize my mom to pull down my blankets and kick me hard if I don’t leave the bed. But if it continues in the second week I roar out loud covered in blanket Jai Ho style saying “ Aam student sota hua sher hai, Ungli mat kar. Kahin jaag gaya ………..toh phir se so jayega”

 Had I sincerely followed all my resolutions, I would've had 16 Pac Abs by now and biceps larger than those of Sonakshi Sinha's. And I wouldn't have been hopping like a kangaroo with my beer belly.

Today when my friend asked me “ Are you making your resolution again ? Who do you think  you are  fooling dude ? “ I make a constipated face and tilt my hat Dhoom’s Amir style and say “ Hum Law students hain dost..doosron ko hi nahin, khud ko bhi dhoka dete hain. Har Roz * Tilts Head * DHOOM WITH ME !

DIFFICULTY OF BEING BAD

Doing ‘gandi baat’ and being bad might be the new good of  Bollywood ( Be it Robin Hood Pandey , Faizal Khan or Bullet Raja ) but when it comes to Indian Politics, guess what’s  back in fashion ? Goodness. Being good is cool again.

Presently the situation in Delhi is no less than a bollywood drama. The Nayak type dramatic rise of this infant party and Pehle AAP politics which was unheard and unimaginable before is a delight to watch. Veteran parties which were experts in forming and deforming governments by hook or by crook are now claiming that they don’t believe in such politics. Horse-trading which was a common practice and to some extent allowed by our constitution is now seen as an unfair means by the political parties. It was believed that buying party support was a huge expense, but is now being offered for free, unconditionally and without even asking, on the ground of easing the burden of re-election from the public. Suddenly everyone has become so good.

AAP Jaisa koi meri Dilli Mein aaye...

Condition of congress is like that of a school boy who did not perform well in exams and is now guilty and subservient, ready to obey everything that people say. MMS’s mobile might always be on silent mode but he was now very quick to make a call to Anna the moment he started the fast .Lokpall bill, which was not even required few months back is now the prime concern of the congress put forth by the topmost leaders in a special press conference.

"Learning from competitors in ways you cant even imagine right now"

Namo is playing safe by keeping mum over all these issues , probably saving his energy to do “Maha Garjana”. Last we heard him speak was when he goofed up about Article 370. Now the Nation’s debate has reached till article 377 but he is still busy revising old chapters for the endterms in 2014, syllabus of which is huge. His strategic silence over all these issues of national importance where BJP has such an important role to play makes me wonder whether he is practicing being silent for long stay in PM chair just like MMS who almost finished chewing his centre fresh “Jo Zubaan pe rakhe Lagaam”. If Namo is tired by his “Run for Unity” I would like Milkha Singh to offer him Zhandu Kesari Jivan and say “Aap Senior citizen hain ? Jo itni Jaldi thak gaye ? Abhi to aap ne aur daudna hai “.

Bhaag Modi Bhaag

This atmosphere of portraying honesty, clean politics and non desirability of crown rather refraining from it has taken the Indian politics to a whole new level. However politicizing the issue of Lokpal bill is a bit disappointing. What was started as a public movement to “fight against corruption” now seems to be turning “fight for credit”. In this atmosphere of gentlemen behaviour they should also pay homage to Harry Truman’s saying that “ your work will succeed as long as you don't care who gets the credit ”.

Gurcharan Das in his book “ Difficulty of Being Good” explains Yudhistira's answer to Draupadi’s question  'Why be good?'. His answer “ I do not act for sake of dharma, I act because I must” implies that consequences or ends do not justify the means. Although the Pandavas have a perfectly legitimate end in regaining their stolen kingdom, they must recover it only by honest means, without compromising dharma.

This indeed is a start of a new type of Politics in India. The time will tell how long will it go, or how much substance it holds in the practical aspects of politics and administration but as it is said, well begun is half done and these winds of change are swirling and turning things upside down only to give soothing breeze later.

[Note: This is my unedited column for Sarvapratham ( www.sarvapratham.com) dated 14-12-13]

Style is Temporary, "Class" is Permanent.

 Piyush Mishra's voice -

" Out of all the arrangements in the universe, sitting arrangement inside classroom is one of the most interesting to observe.There are several classes within a class. Allow me to give you an insight of an average classroom arrangement in NLU , taking my own class as a sample.There are three rows ( Middle, Left wing and Right wing) and broadly two kinds of people -Moderate and Extremists in most classes. Extremists are further classified into Academic extremists and Bakchod extremists ".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----End of Narration. Now the Scene

The middle row is first occupied by these Academic Extremists. They are the most ferocious note takers and will write the fuck out of every lip movement and sneeze of the teacher.They wont miss a single information, as important as Mononita Ma'am in environmental law class saying " water is essential for life" or OP Sir in his spring fitted legs waving his hand to "cloze the door, right ?".

                                                         "Water is Essential For Life !"

They  make  the professors conscious as everything coming out of their mouth is going 'on record'. Academic extremists will report sharp at 8:30, when the bakchod extremists  are snoozing their alarm for 10 minutes, and their attendance will be 98 % even in Souvik sir's class ( 2 % deducted by Souvik to avoid suspicion). That row will also consist of people who will have no idea of what's going on in class but will oscillate their head faster than the speed of light giving an impression that no student ever gained more knowledge and that's how they become favorite of the teachers.

This row should be granted a special status under Artilce 370 that except under matters pertaining to notes, syllabus and marks they will concur with the rest of the class. Their cartel is so strong that you will never get to see their notebook. If a moderate, who doesn't mind sharing his notes, asks their notes to update some points, they will act like Shylock and make him sign the bond of not sharing his work anymore after taking their help. He is later seen chanting like a Zombie "One of them, one of them" depriving us of any notes for the end terms and I end up saying " Et Tu Bro...then Fail NGS ".

The rear part of the middle row will consist of intellectual Bakchods. Juxtapose their row-mate they will make sure that their ear is protected with earphones from any bullshit said in class and eyes are fixed on their fictional or non-fictional content.They prefer knowing what Dan Brown and William Dalrymple has to say rather than Mario or Chota Bheem and are seen with copies of Freakonomics in economics class. But they are always ready to join the class discussion whenever the situation demands so.

SAL, SAL, NAHI PATA SAL

The Left wing of the class is occupied by moderates in the front. Unlike others, moderates will participate in class only till the point you wont feel like kicking them out of the class. Their participation in academics and bakchodi is in equal proportion. They are however in minority.

The rear part of the left row is booked by Party People. Babes, Booze, Beaches,Boobs, Beers, Boxers  will  be all they talk about except offcourse football. They will make a trip or two to Goa, Pushkar or some MUN's in the middle of the semester and still score decent. They literally follow  Mallya's mantra of work hard and party harder. They will however be louder than Prof Yogesh Pai in the class.

Then comes the right wing. I will call it the Android row. Unlike academic extremists they don't use their smart phones to record lecture. Every one is seen looking at their crotch with full concentration and even if the teacher is dictating the end term syllabus, their primary concern is whether to upgrade the Jet pack, buy Yutani or ask for a life in candy crush. The owner of the device, however never gets to use it.

This row has no front population as it remains vacant and however congested and uncomfortable it may be, everyone is concentrated in the rear end .When asked to come forward, they use AC vent, fan or pigeon shit as an excuse. They are those unsung and unaccredited heroes who rescue the class from the torture by shouting "Sir  Tomorrow, Sir tomorrow" as soon as the lecture exceeds 40 minutes.

The Napsters are common in the rear end of all the three rows. A view from the backside resembles the control room of Inception where everyone is busy on a  top secret mission in each other's dream within a dream.

I HAVE A DREAM. WITHIN A DREAM

Although these spots are implicitly booked by those falling in respective categories, dispute arises when there is a Continuous Assessment Test. Everyone wants to sit at a place which is surrounded by academic extremists, beside a farredar friend or towards the wall. When the permanent occupant of the area raises an objection with regard to such change then everyone seems to subscribe to the philosophy that "Area kutton ke hote hain, Sher kahin bhi baith sakta hai".

Teachers have got used to this arrangement and adopt the policy of Laissez Faire. Unless you have someone like AKS who makes sure that everyone has brought his copy of Bare Act and Bennion under his Sarva Siksha Abhiyaan, no one cares what they are doing in the classroom. Lets just hope that things remain the same.

So... which Class do you belong ??

No smoke without Pyre

                                                        ~ ~ Present day ~ ~

Random Friend: NGS sutta hai ?? Oh sorry I forgot u quit. By the I was just confirming, just in case ;)

Me: ( opening my no smoking android app Rajnikant style and reading out loud ) 135 days,13 hours 36 minutes, money saved Rs 10845.85, Not smoked 1355.73 cigarettes since July 17, 2013 (closing like a boss). By the way I was just updating, just in case ;)

                                             <<<<<< Flashback >>>>>>>

October 20, 2006. Coming out of First Day First Show of Don:The Chase Begins Again, after having bunked School. Playing in mind the last scene where SRK blows out the ring of smokes and then tosses the cigarette butt in the air.Unable to resist the temptation of imitating him, I approach a cigarette stall nearby and hesitantly gather courage to mutter the words " Bhaiya ek cigarrette dena". The shopkeeper too busy dealing with customers , shouts "Kaun Si !! " I point towards the one in his hand and say "Yehi wali". He hands me over a choti gold flake with a disgusted look. I kept it in my pocket and fled from there hoping no relatives or uncles has seen me. Found a private place and the theme music of DON resumes in my head.Struggled to light it up and finally took the the first puff of my life.

Since then, there was no looking back.Initially I decided to have it only on Saturdays, and a few weeks later decided to abstain from it on Saturdays alone.Dint even realize when this luxury became the necessity and one fag a day soon became one pack a day.Those who used to greet me from distance saying " Aur NGS kaisa hai ? started shouting from distance "Aur NGS, sutta hai ??  Shahrukh made 6 Pack Abs and earned billions after that movie while he gave me more than 6 packs a week for my lungs and burdened my little pocket.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now that It has been more than four months since I smoked my last cigarette and I can confidently say that I've finally quit it, It is such a pleasant feeling that I really feel like putting this in my CV as an achievement

Apart from the lower risk of deadly health hazards, let me enumerate the practical advantages a non-smoker has over a smoker.

1) You can enjoy a movie with a guilt free mind.You will not have to sit through 90 seconds of lessons on how to use your sponge like lungs and curse Mukesh Harane for not quitting tobacco while your well wisher friends poke you and make faces.

2) Eight out passes a month is more than sufficient. No more fighting with guards & Roy Uncle and no more begging Arjun Singh everyday to go out.You might even have surplus out passes to distribute.

3) You will have so much time left at your disposal that in worst case scenario you might even consider going to library instead of sitting at Hans.

4) Digits in both, your bank account and probably in your mark sheet will be on a higher side.

5) You can confidently go and sit beside the hottest girl in class, and talk without stinking like a dead rat.

6) You don't have to run back to your room and hunt for smoke in the short breakfast break.

7) No more burned bed sheets or pillow covers and your room doesn't look like crematorium with matchsticks and ashes all over.

8) You can comfortably have a 20 hour train journey without trying to smoke hiding in toilet or running from TTE.

The only advantage of a smoker over non smoker is that girls feel safe with him.Because smoking also causes ED and impotency.

The lovely tube of delight which was an indispensable part of my life few months back, now makes me wonder why on earth would one even try that.I cant find any rationale behind smoking and I donno what was the guy thinking who invented cigarettes. it is the most unnatural activity I have ever seen. Imagine a cow or a goat taking a mouthful of straw, burning it and then blowing out smokes. It is just not done. Fellatio is still natural by that logic.BUT NOT THIS.

As a teenager it gives an illusion of being cool and a bad ass but trust me no one ever looked a bigger fool than while smoking. As it is said that a cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper, with fire at one end and a fool at the other.For some youngsters  it symbolizes an element of revolt against elders and system but this revolutionary activity ends up making you a slave rather than a liberator.

But you cant blame the smokers.I know how hard it is to quit.Tried everything from nicorette to electronic cigarette.Nothing seems to work for long.Even Obama is still trying. It takes control of all your activities from potty time to bedtime. It becomes such a big motivation that even the laziest of all the creature will walk several miles to get  cigarettes even at midnight. It is so damn addictive and blinds you so much that despite reading the warning in bold "SMOKING KILLS " in your pack, you don't hesitate  even once before pulling out your death weapon from it.

I am not sure about the existence of God, but if there is one thing I am sure of is that The Last Cigarette does not exist. I have had thousands of last cigarettes of my life with pompous ceremonies and today I don't even remember how was my real last cigarette.But now I know that quitting is not impossible and totally worth the withdrawal. After much research and experience I discovered that best way to quit is to go cold turkey.

 I really wont believe you if you tell me that you don't want to quit. And if you do want to quit, always remember that where there is "WILLs", there is No way and there's no smoke without Pyre.Quit smoking, and just like me, you can compensate by bragging about it ;)

Good bye Friend

SWEET DRUNK LAND ( SDL)

When I first came to NLU, I had a huge cultural shock. It gradually changed into partysoc \m/. And Now "I am the one who shocks".

I AM THE ONE WHO SHOCKS

You know you are in NLU's SDL party if it starts with David Guetta in first hour, passes through Honey Singh's high heel phase in the second and finally settles with guys and gals doing Dhinka Chika on Beedi Jalai Le.

David Guetta phase is the one when party has just started and people are arriving, shaking hand and hugging each other as if they are meeting for the first time right after kindergarten (Even though they just shared a bucket to take bath before coming to this party which is now being used to store alcoholic Punch). Those coming in their personal vehicles will honk it sufficiently long enough make sure that everyone has seen it before they leave the car. This is the phase when everyone is hesitating to hit the bar first and praying desperately for a friend to come and forcefully take him there.

Honey Singh's phase is when everyone is  drunk enough to hit the dance floor and join random girls. We get to see some unique fusion of Michael Jackson and Kamal R Khan's moves. For some reason the DJ will also play "waka waka" in between. There will however  be that one guy still sitting in the corner rolling his stuff and his companions watching the master in action with their tongue hanging out.

AUNTY POLICE BULA DEGI

Teetotalers begin to get restless at this point. The snacks, if any, is over and the bartender refuses to pour cold drink for non alcoholic purpose.They now try to elicit entertainment out of their drunk friends. Little later they are seen faking a call or sneaking out of the party.

The real party begins in the Dhinka Chika phase. Remember all the random make outs and fights that we hear next morning ??  This is the time when all of that happened. A Perfect time to make love and war.or simply create gossip if nothing happens at all.

Then there will be one guy from among the hosts who will dance around with a bottle in his hand and will forcefully insert it into everyone's mouth. This "bottoms up" guy is responsible for half the vomits in hostel corridors. The Star of the party will be the "sutta guy" trying hard to hide his packet of milds. He will be the most sought after guy and you will hear his name maximum number of times. The master however is still busy rolling his stuff.

 Those who had not paid for the party will voluntarily assume the role of a host and behave as if they are the real organizers. Those who have paid, will pour the drink into their glass and ask themselves one question "have I made it Large". "Or should I go for patiala peg". They will apply all the economics ever learned in five semesters to ensure the optimum utilization and marginal utility of the amount of drink they consume.

IT'S YOUR PEG. MAKE IT LARGE

Girls pretend to be nine times more drunk  than they actually are while guys try hard to stand still and pretend sober even after thirteen pegs. There will be one more guy who will propose pulling an all nighter and will boast about his personnel relations with Bheem Singh. He will however succumb to loudspeaker owner's hue and cry. One of us will definitely crack the over repeated joke of "Char baj gaye lekin...!". All those who had grand entry flaunting their cars, now regret it as they have to make multiple trips to carry back full talli guys and girls, with risk of vomit in their fine carpet. The master is now seen staggering on the road with his companions on either side.

The best thing about SDL party is , whether your birthday is three months later or was five months back, whether you won an international moot or just got debarred, whether you got into relationship or just had a break up, we are always like "Just Do It". No matter what - Party Yunhi Chaalegi !!!!

Internship.hr@thiswillgotoJunkmails.com

As the vacation arrives, every law student is seen struggling with just two things –

1) Getting a ticket from IRCTC to go back home
2) Jugaading an internship for the semester break

IRCTC seems to be the only government body which is strictly against reservation in India while these law firms seem to be strictly against employment. Even though they have a five storeyed office building, they will have the same reply every time, without fail -" We do not have space to accommodate any more interns ". I actually feel like replying "Don’t worry ma’am, I really don't mind sitting in your office toilet, just allow me"(Once I even offered to carry Harpic Power plus along with my CV).

Hereby I am attaching my CV for your kind consideration

The matter does not end there. After humbly and politely shutting the door on your face they also rub salt into wounds by saying “we wish you all the very best for your future endeavors”. Excuse me, madam ! If you continue behaving like this, my only future endeavor will be to beg for pennies instead of internships.

And I really want to know from where do these firms get such HR managers. I am sure they put up advertisement saying ”Attention seeking spinsters and single ladies wanted”. The HR of the firm will act so pricey and important that you really start to aspire becoming an HR instead of a partner. Even your girlfriend will not expect you to call her as many times as they do.

Actually I realized that  Internships and relationships and are quite similar. Here’s how :-

• You apply for twenty places and if at all you get, It is the one only after regular follow up.
• You work your ass out but are never rewarded properly for it.
• Mostly it is just a time-pass and only a few has future prospects.
• At the end of it, all you get is- Experience

But people do get internships.Apart from the quota reserved for members of placement cell and their friends , we still see people getting internships on their own.

90% in JSA and 10% in firms never heard of. JSA is probably one firm that like autowallas , will accommodate all the passengers. And then hire None. Everyone I know in my circle has either already interned or presently interning at JSA.

Enough room for all

There is however still a bleak chance of getting an internship during academic sessions, but then again, given the present scenario in college, you will have a job but no degree. From others who get internships at various places I really want to know when they apply for it. Apply six months in advance and they say “we will revert back to you”. And by the time you'll  think that you should remind them now, they are already houseful as if all of a sudden, they started screening Bahubali 2.

Imagine a trained driver or a home servant coming to your house and offering you service for a month, that too free of cost ! Who on earth would say NO to that. Except off-course if you don't have a car. Or a house. Even if u don't have one, you will borrow your neighbor's car for a month to avail this service. But don't know by what logic these firms function.We are willing to work, but they don't want us to help them. Forget the Tier I firms, Even the firms like - Randomfirmfromlawctopus and Associates- starts considering itself CAM & SAM and wont even acknowledge your application.

Now if you please excuse me, I  have to update my CV and send some more applications. For the period (Nov-Dec 2020).

[Note : The author is unemployed and will remain so for a long time ]

New VCLeaks: One Welcome & 40 Farewells

I always wanted to have a Batch Hoodie. But when we finally got one, it was in this era of uncertainty that may render it useless anytime. No one can predict the year of your  graduation. To be on a safer side, just get a hoodie printed “Batch of New VC”.

Gone are the days when time was expressed in terms of BC and AD. Now the determining factor is the era of OVC and NVC (old VC and new VC). Period from July 2013 NVC to November 2013 NVC witnessed the Welcome of our new VC and Farewell of 36 students ( 22 demoted, 14 debarred) and 4 faculty members. My batch had more than 100% strike rate with 6 people gone in 5 months.

In order to comprehend the new system, I tried to interview some of the staff members in the administration. Sources have revealed that Director while leaving, suggested this measure of demoting  students as a part of his strategy to curb the menace of ragging. “The high probably and constant threat of going to a junior batch will not only act as a deterrence for seniors to act over smart in front of juniors, but will also help in developing cordial relations between them ”, he explained.

I approached our new faculty Mr. Satyam Enron Bhardwaj who humbly confessed “When I came to NLU, I suggested an international student exchange program to Madam, like the one we had in NALSAR. However I could not communicate this idea properly due to my soft voice and also my laptop crashed in the middle of presentation. Madam thought I was talking about inter-batch student exchange, and she got so impressed with the idea that she issued the list of 22 students next day under this program. I tried to clarify the same but couldn't get appointment to meet madam again. My sincere apologies to all the students”. Saying this he offered his resignation.

Shocked by all this, I went to Prof Pragmatic Vyanjan’s office who was busy packing his suits and ties in a suitcase with resignation letter in his hand. He said “VC was not pleased when I asked  Poonam bhaiya to fix the Sign board I took from Subway at Sardarpura that read “ We bake our own bread” outside my office. She ordered an immediate eviction”. He said he will miss us and that he loves United States.

I was about to leave with teary eyes when Prof. American Pie barged in looking for a chair, and asked Pragmatic if he is taking his chair along with him. He too had a resignation letter on his “table”.

I tried interviewing Sir Guru Jambeshwar (aka AKS) who was busy drafting a disclaimer for his e-mail. He refused to answer any query without a 15 days notice and prior approval of the VC for the same along with signatures of all the debarred students and their parents.

I finally went to Mr. Chota  Bheem sir and asked him to say a few words for the debarred students. He instantaneously said, "You tell"! Then after exchange of uncomfortably long  smiles, he uttered a few random english Keywords and concluded by saying “thank you for your future”.

I tried talking to the VC but could only procure an appointment in 2015. “We ourselves have a waiting list of two weeks to meet her” complained the personal secretary of VC. He said that Schedule has been very hectic as Madam has to go to New Delhi every now and then to press for the Amendment in Transfer of Property Act 1882. He informed that she has recommended change in the definition of “property” to include “students” In it, thereby facilitation their “Transfer” from one batch to another. He later  suspected me to be from a political party and warned me not to politicize the matter.

If the same situation continues , there will be no teacher  left in this college and just a handful of students  attending  VC’s lecture in her car parked inside Acad Block. They will have so much time and experience inside campus that they will turn academicians and start teaching in NLU thereby getting 100 %  in-campus placement.

Lets just pray for the victims and hope we are not next. And wish them “Thank you for their future”.

Fare Thee Well

Why This Ko-Law-Very ??

  

[ Here's a piece that I wrote to motivate young minds for joining law, when I initially  started considering myself a stud after making it to NLU ]

The moment you enter an elite Law school campus, you will be tired of answering this question to everyone, from your Orientation day to Farewell. One simple question -"Why law?"

Few oversmart kids would try to impress the first class by saying "Because I couldn't make it to IITs", few Boston Legal fans would say "Because Its cool", girls will just surrender with a confused smile, assuming it to be cute. But before anyone else, you need to ask yourself this question.

For answering this question, lets tackle it by rule of Elimination.The present generation in India, by default was running after Engineering, after 10 + 2. Not that they loved the profession (infact, most of them hate it) but simply because everyone else is doing that. As Chetan Bhagat in his latest novel, truly puts in "We are from a simple Indian family.We dont ask these questions. we want to make a living. Engineering gives us that. and filling your stomach, never goes old fashioned". But  the over mushrooming of the Technical institutes in last few years, has spoiled it all. As per a recent article in Hindustan times, many institutes are directed to be shut down, because there is no connection between the input and output of students and jobs. Law on the other hand, is the safest profession one can choose. No matter how many colleges come up, law is always "IN". No recession can affect the people in this profession,on the contrary, it supplements the litigation.

 “Times, they are changing”.With the upcoming of these NLU's in India and several other prestigious law schools, with their brand value attached, is not only attracting students of all class and streams, but also promises financial security (and that too quite luxuriously), intellectual satisfaction ( you get to deal with real life social situations, rather than hypothetical equations), and the amount of exposure like never before. Especially if you posses oratory skills in ur school days, you will fall in love with law schools. Even if you dont, you will easily turn into one within no time.

Image of a Tobacco chewing lawyer outside civil courts with a chair and an umbrella has drastically been replaced by a linen robed professional, getting down from his BMW, fiddling with his blackberry.When you will go for your internship, during your semester break, and get to see the courts, right from the SUV's in the parking lot, to the dignity maintained inside courtrooms, trust me you will find the answer to this query.

The above mentioned factors are for most of freshers, just out of school life. But as you grow with legal profession, you will realize how much opportunity it gives you to be the change in the society, that you always wanted. How it feels to fight for people's right. How it feels to understand, interpret and modify  the system as best as per your satisfaction.

Thanks to the awareness and informations about the legal education, in last few years, people have really understood the importance and value of the same. Still a novice, CLAT is gaining more or less same prestige in the eyes of Indian parents as JEE, although technically CLAT has better prospects. And once you have made up your mind and choose to enter into it, you have plethora of committees and groups all over the social networking sites, monitored and administered by the professionals and totally dedicated to promote guidance and assistance to all. Such an environment makes it much easier for students to know anything about law and Law Schools.

"Good chances for the young no longer exist as formerly in this crowded competition, "complained a youthful law student to Daniel Webster. "You are mistaken, "replied the great statesman and jurist, "there is always room at the top."

[Note : This is my column for Sarvapratham (www.Sarvapratham.com) dated 19/11/2013]

TO ZINDA HO TUM

                                            ....Knock knock....

                                               Who's there

                                             ... Endterms....

                                               ~The END~

All the jokes end, when it arrives. Before we could even memorize our class schedules, endterms are already knocking to wake us up. At the wake of this alarm, I started rearranging and comprehending the fundamentals of this mysterious Life ( With that I mean stuffs of my untidy room). Perfect time to take a bath, clip nails, rearrange everything in room, becoming an epitome of cleanliness and neatness. I was going through the same phase while listening to my Rock On playlist when I discovered things that I have lost in the last few days :

Mere room ke lock ki key

Bottle mein bachi half whiskey

Meri Milds ka ek Packet

1st sem se latka baddy Racket

balcony se cloth stand

My 6 subject notebook that remained blank

Pichle saat dinon mein maine khoya

Kabhi khud pe hansa main, aur, kabhi khud pe roya!!

NA NA Nanana na na na...

Then suddenly I encountered the Course curriculum , and I was like :-

Kaise, Bhoolun, Exam Ka Jo Din Aaya

Kisi Ne, Mujhko, Syllabus Dikhaya

Kaisa, Pal Tha, Jab Module Pehli Baar Dekha Tha

Hum Jo Padhe, Pehli Baar

Maine Jaanaa Kya Hai IPR

Handouts Bhi Khoya, notes  Bhi Khoya

Kabhi Khud Se Padha Main,

Aur

Kabhi Group Mein Roya..

 NA Na NaNaNa...Na Na Na...

We need a 'MAGIK' Wand

                     For others like me, here are  a few words of wisdom

"Attendance apni above 70 lekar chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum

Internals 30 bana kar chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum

Class ke un doosre bacchon jaise notes likhna seekho

samjh mein aye na aye,class mein sir hilana seekho

har ek teacher se milo tum
nikale apni jeebh 

notes wale doston se

ho jao aur bhi kareeb

agar abhi Repeat se dar rahe ho

                                                To Zinda ho tum"

Ever wondered if we dont start even now, what will happen ??

Socha nahi to Socho Abhi !!!

Once Upon A Time in NLU - Dobaara

Number of days left for endterms is inversely proportional to the number of movies we watch in those last moments. Same is happening with me as I am trying to escape the horror by Bollywood marathon.This habbit of mine has adversely affected my thinking process and day to day interaction with people.

The other day a junior met me in the library just an hour before his IOS test. I dont know why but believe it or not, he asked ME some tips regarding the subject. All I could offer him was this :

"Sattar Minute.Sattar min hai tumhare pas. Ab tum Azadi bachao ya Shodhra Devi, ye sattar minute tumhe kabhi yaad NAHI rahege. To kaise padhna hai yeh mein tumhe nahi bataunga. Bas jao aur jee bhar ke "Bak pelo." Kyuki iske baad aane wale endterm mein chahe kuch sahi ho ya na ho, repeat aye ya pass ho, lekin yeh sattar minute, tumse koi nahi cheen sakta, Kyunki agar ye sattar min, is batch ka har student apne zindagi ki sabse badiya Bak Pel gaya, to yeh sattar min. AKS bhi tumse vapas nahi mang sakta."

Sattar minute

Before I could even finish my monologue, I saw his head buried in his copy of  Bennion.

This semester has been quite relaxed so far. Almost all "continuous harrassments" and Projects got over, and all I know is that this Sem's Business Honors classes have been a  bigger scam than Satyam or Enron. Moreover, Laziness in other subjects has taken me to a different level of relaxation. We dont even need to leave the bed before 10 now, and even after that, I lie in my bed calculating my attendance in head and saying :

" Main aur meri charpai, aksar yeh baatein karte hain..ki agar classes na hoti to aisa hota, classes na hoti to waisa hota, main kabhi is karvat sota, kabhi us karvat, to kabhi yun hi cooler ke neehe pada rehta. Na main 60% attendance pe hairan hota, na Mononita mujhe class mein sota dekh pareshan hoti. Bas tum hoti aur main hota, aur hamare sapno ka jahan hota..main aur meri charpai."

The movie that affected me the most was, Raanjhna.The climax scene perfectly depicts my condition.

 " Bas Itni Hi Kahaani hai Meri, Ek Kitab hai hai Jo Bagal Mein Padi hai..

 Kuch Teachers Jo Abhi Bhi Iss Umeed Me hain Ki Shayad Yeh Nadaan ab se Pad le..
Kuch  Dost hain  Jo Bakchod hain.
Meri Maa hai, Baap hai, NLU Ke Corridors hain Aur Yeh Ek Hamaara Laptop hai Jo Humse alag nahi hota
Yeh Mera android phone jismein  Ab Bhi battery baki hai.

Aur ek VC Hai, Jisne sabki phaad rakhi Hai.

Hum Uth Sakte The Par Kiske Liye..Hum Padh Sakte The Par Kiske Liye..
Meri CGPA, Internships, scope of placement Sab Mujhse Chooth Raha Tha...

 Mere teachers ya toh mujhe pass kara sakte hain ya fir repeat de sakte hain.

Par Saala ab uthe kaun !

 Kaun phir se mehnat kare notes jugaadne ko, class jaane ko.

Abe koi toh aawaz de ke proxy laga do !!

 Yeh Jo professor Suit - Tie Pehen ke khada hai podium ke paas ,

Aaj bhi deemed attendance de de toh Mahadev ki kasam class jana chodd dein.

Par nahi bhi de to ab saala mood nahi.

Candy crush khelne mein hi sukh hai, Breaking bad dekhne mein hi maza hai, so jaane me hi bhalai hai.

Par uthenge kisi roz ussi classroom ke kinare, Farre banane ko. Unhi Acad block ke toilets mein notes chipane ko.

Kisi Parveen ke paper mein fir se pass ho jaane ko !! "

Hope you have realized the seriousness of my condition. Let me pray to Rajnikant that I get well Soon.

Looks like this semester will end with a Dhoom.

BLOGGING BAD

After my Facebook Phase is over, I decided to pour my expressions in Blogs. Hope you appreciate the endeavour.
  - NGS

I want to start this awesomeness by talking about the end of another awesomeness. The best thing that ever happened to world television, came to an end on September 29 and I am still trying to overcome the withdrawal symptoms.It was the only thing that made me look forward to Monday mornings and not hate it. For many others like me, this week was dedicated to reading, watching, re watching and talking about how GOOD was BREAKING BAD. In my personal opinion, and I bet most of you will agree,that there has never been,nor will ever be a show as enthralling, intelligent, brilliant and so fine in details as this masterpiece of Vince Gilligan.

THE BEGINNING OF AN ENDING

The transformation of a humble, over qualified High School chemistry teacher suffering from lung cancer, into the arrogant, invincible and "dangerous" Heisenberg is a delight to watch. The beauty of this contrast is that Mr. White never lets you Sympathize with him, and even his bald look due to chemotherapy turns into cool Bad Ass look.

THE TRANFORMATION

The genius of Walter White who tries to strike a balance between his family and his "special love" for "baby blue" is so beautifully portrayed that we end up admiring and justifying even the unjustified bad acts of our dark hero. He oversmarts not only the maniac Tuco, The deadly Twins, The most influential Gus Fring and Tod's Uncle and his Gang but becomes THE ONE WHO KNOCKS. Despite all the adversarial conditions, his undying spirit and never say die  attitude is what makes him The Heisenberg, who can solve any problem and go to any extent to take back what is rightfully his. He builds up an empire big enough to be enlisted in NASDAQ on his own.

I AM THE DANGER

 The most challenging task of a series of this repute is how you end it without disappointing the millions of fans. Here too Vince Gilligan does an outstanding job for such a beautiful climax tying up all the loose ends unlike other shows that  end on an abrupt anticlimax(Lost or Dexter). The last episode 'FELINA' speaks volume of all the brilliance this series was made up of. Undoubtedly the best way to end the series. The show started gracefully and ended respectfully in time. We miss the Heisenberg's genius, Jesse's emotional outburst  every time he says "BITCH" ( which fetched Aaron Paul lead role in Need for Speed - The movie), we miss Saul Goodman's wit and Hank's pathetic sense of humor, We loved to hate Skyler and watch Walt Jr. finish his breakfast. But as the last season's promo said "All Bad things must come to an end" and we must keep our mouth shut because it got over when Heisenberg said "ITS OVER".

GOOD BYE BREAKING BAD

                                                                  

For others like me,coping with the withdrawal, youtube has umpteen number of channels celebrating the best moments and awesome soundtracks used in the series. It is also flooded with  plethora of parodies and spoof, few of which are really nice and worth a watch. The best among them  is "Joking Bad" by Jimmy Fallon. Do watch it.

You will Laugh your Ass off

There is nothing wrong if you have the feeling of hollowness inside you and sense of purposelessness in life with sudden existential crisis after you finish all the seasons.You might end up tearing up your syllabus and say "Fuck this shit, I am cooking meth" and seriously start considering it as a career option especially when you see companies like HDFC Insurance are coming to campus and offering peanuts and when your friends are getting placed at Trilegal while you are forced to do an unpaid internship at Trust Legal. Atleast at the time of your farewell you can refer to all the Randapas inside NLU and say " I did it for myself, I was good at it. It made me feel alive" with theme song playing in the background "Guess I got what I deserved."