No smoke without Pyre

                                                        ~ ~ Present day ~ ~

Random Friend: NGS sutta hai ?? Oh sorry I forgot u quit. By the I was just confirming, just in case ;)

Me: ( opening my no smoking android app Rajnikant style and reading out loud ) 135 days,13 hours 36 minutes, money saved Rs 10845.85, Not smoked 1355.73 cigarettes since July 17, 2013 (closing like a boss). By the way I was just updating, just in case ;)

                                             <<<<<< Flashback >>>>>>>

October 20, 2006. Coming out of First Day First Show of Don:The Chase Begins Again, after having bunked School. Playing in mind the last scene where SRK blows out the ring of smokes and then tosses the cigarette butt in the air.Unable to resist the temptation of imitating him, I approach a cigarette stall nearby and hesitantly gather courage to mutter the words " Bhaiya ek cigarrette dena". The shopkeeper too busy dealing with customers , shouts "Kaun Si !! " I point towards the one in his hand and say "Yehi wali". He hands me over a choti gold flake with a disgusted look. I kept it in my pocket and fled from there hoping no relatives or uncles has seen me. Found a private place and the theme music of DON resumes in my head.Struggled to light it up and finally took the the first puff of my life.

Since then, there was no looking back.Initially I decided to have it only on Saturdays, and a few weeks later decided to abstain from it on Saturdays alone.Dint even realize when this luxury became the necessity and one fag a day soon became one pack a day.Those who used to greet me from distance saying " Aur NGS kaisa hai ? started shouting from distance "Aur NGS, sutta hai ??  Shahrukh made 6 Pack Abs and earned billions after that movie while he gave me more than 6 packs a week for my lungs and burdened my little pocket.

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Now that It has been more than four months since I smoked my last cigarette and I can confidently say that I've finally quit it, It is such a pleasant feeling that I really feel like putting this in my CV as an achievement

Apart from the lower risk of deadly health hazards, let me enumerate the practical advantages a non-smoker has over a smoker.

1) You can enjoy a movie with a guilt free mind.You will not have to sit through 90 seconds of lessons on how to use your sponge like lungs and curse Mukesh Harane for not quitting tobacco while your well wisher friends poke you and make faces.

2) Eight out passes a month is more than sufficient. No more fighting with guards & Roy Uncle and no more begging Arjun Singh everyday to go out.You might even have surplus out passes to distribute.

3) You will have so much time left at your disposal that in worst case scenario you might even consider going to library instead of sitting at Hans.

4) Digits in both, your bank account and probably in your mark sheet will be on a higher side.

5) You can confidently go and sit beside the hottest girl in class, and talk without stinking like a dead rat.

6) You don't have to run back to your room and hunt for smoke in the short breakfast break.

7) No more burned bed sheets or pillow covers and your room doesn't look like crematorium with matchsticks and ashes all over.

8) You can comfortably have a 20 hour train journey without trying to smoke hiding in toilet or running from TTE.

The only advantage of a smoker over non smoker is that girls feel safe with him.Because smoking also causes ED and impotency.

The lovely tube of delight which was an indispensable part of my life few months back, now makes me wonder why on earth would one even try that.I cant find any rationale behind smoking and I donno what was the guy thinking who invented cigarettes. it is the most unnatural activity I have ever seen. Imagine a cow or a goat taking a mouthful of straw, burning it and then blowing out smokes. It is just not done. Fellatio is still natural by that logic.BUT NOT THIS.

As a teenager it gives an illusion of being cool and a bad ass but trust me no one ever looked a bigger fool than while smoking. As it is said that a cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper, with fire at one end and a fool at the other.For some youngsters  it symbolizes an element of revolt against elders and system but this revolutionary activity ends up making you a slave rather than a liberator.

But you cant blame the smokers.I know how hard it is to quit.Tried everything from nicorette to electronic cigarette.Nothing seems to work for long.Even Obama is still trying. It takes control of all your activities from potty time to bedtime. It becomes such a big motivation that even the laziest of all the creature will walk several miles to get  cigarettes even at midnight. It is so damn addictive and blinds you so much that despite reading the warning in bold "SMOKING KILLS " in your pack, you don't hesitate  even once before pulling out your death weapon from it.

I am not sure about the existence of God, but if there is one thing I am sure of is that The Last Cigarette does not exist. I have had thousands of last cigarettes of my life with pompous ceremonies and today I don't even remember how was my real last cigarette.But now I know that quitting is not impossible and totally worth the withdrawal. After much research and experience I discovered that best way to quit is to go cold turkey.

 I really wont believe you if you tell me that you don't want to quit. And if you do want to quit, always remember that where there is "WILLs", there is No way and there's no smoke without Pyre.Quit smoking, and just like me, you can compensate by bragging about it ;)

Good bye Friend

SWEET DRUNK LAND ( SDL)

When I first came to NLU, I had a huge cultural shock. It gradually changed into partysoc \m/. And Now "I am the one who shocks".

I AM THE ONE WHO SHOCKS

You know you are in NLU's SDL party if it starts with David Guetta in first hour, passes through Honey Singh's high heel phase in the second and finally settles with guys and gals doing Dhinka Chika on Beedi Jalai Le.

David Guetta phase is the one when party has just started and people are arriving, shaking hand and hugging each other as if they are meeting for the first time right after kindergarten (Even though they just shared a bucket to take bath before coming to this party which is now being used to store alcoholic Punch). Those coming in their personal vehicles will honk it sufficiently long enough make sure that everyone has seen it before they leave the car. This is the phase when everyone is hesitating to hit the bar first and praying desperately for a friend to come and forcefully take him there.

Honey Singh's phase is when everyone is  drunk enough to hit the dance floor and join random girls. We get to see some unique fusion of Michael Jackson and Kamal R Khan's moves. For some reason the DJ will also play "waka waka" in between. There will however  be that one guy still sitting in the corner rolling his stuff and his companions watching the master in action with their tongue hanging out.

AUNTY POLICE BULA DEGI

Teetotalers begin to get restless at this point. The snacks, if any, is over and the bartender refuses to pour cold drink for non alcoholic purpose.They now try to elicit entertainment out of their drunk friends. Little later they are seen faking a call or sneaking out of the party.

The real party begins in the Dhinka Chika phase. Remember all the random make outs and fights that we hear next morning ??  This is the time when all of that happened. A Perfect time to make love and war.or simply create gossip if nothing happens at all.

Then there will be one guy from among the hosts who will dance around with a bottle in his hand and will forcefully insert it into everyone's mouth. This "bottoms up" guy is responsible for half the vomits in hostel corridors. The Star of the party will be the "sutta guy" trying hard to hide his packet of milds. He will be the most sought after guy and you will hear his name maximum number of times. The master however is still busy rolling his stuff.

 Those who had not paid for the party will voluntarily assume the role of a host and behave as if they are the real organizers. Those who have paid, will pour the drink into their glass and ask themselves one question "have I made it Large". "Or should I go for patiala peg". They will apply all the economics ever learned in five semesters to ensure the optimum utilization and marginal utility of the amount of drink they consume.

IT'S YOUR PEG. MAKE IT LARGE

Girls pretend to be nine times more drunk  than they actually are while guys try hard to stand still and pretend sober even after thirteen pegs. There will be one more guy who will propose pulling an all nighter and will boast about his personnel relations with Bheem Singh. He will however succumb to loudspeaker owner's hue and cry. One of us will definitely crack the over repeated joke of "Char baj gaye lekin...!". All those who had grand entry flaunting their cars, now regret it as they have to make multiple trips to carry back full talli guys and girls, with risk of vomit in their fine carpet. The master is now seen staggering on the road with his companions on either side.

The best thing about SDL party is , whether your birthday is three months later or was five months back, whether you won an international moot or just got debarred, whether you got into relationship or just had a break up, we are always like "Just Do It". No matter what - Party Yunhi Chaalegi !!!!

Internship.hr@thiswillgotoJunkmails.com

As the vacation arrives, every law student is seen struggling with just two things –

1) Getting a ticket from IRCTC to go back home
2) Jugaading an internship for the semester break

IRCTC seems to be the only government body which is strictly against reservation in India while these law firms seem to be strictly against employment. Even though they have a five storeyed office building, they will have the same reply every time, without fail -" We do not have space to accommodate any more interns ". I actually feel like replying "Don’t worry ma’am, I really don't mind sitting in your office toilet, just allow me"(Once I even offered to carry Harpic Power plus along with my CV).

Hereby I am attaching my CV for your kind consideration

The matter does not end there. After humbly and politely shutting the door on your face they also rub salt into wounds by saying “we wish you all the very best for your future endeavors”. Excuse me, madam ! If you continue behaving like this, my only future endeavor will be to beg for pennies instead of internships.

And I really want to know from where do these firms get such HR managers. I am sure they put up advertisement saying ”Attention seeking spinsters and single ladies wanted”. The HR of the firm will act so pricey and important that you really start to aspire becoming an HR instead of a partner. Even your girlfriend will not expect you to call her as many times as they do.

Actually I realized that  Internships and relationships and are quite similar. Here’s how :-

• You apply for twenty places and if at all you get, It is the one only after regular follow up.
• You work your ass out but are never rewarded properly for it.
• Mostly it is just a time-pass and only a few has future prospects.
• At the end of it, all you get is- Experience

But people do get internships.Apart from the quota reserved for members of placement cell and their friends , we still see people getting internships on their own.

90% in JSA and 10% in firms never heard of. JSA is probably one firm that like autowallas , will accommodate all the passengers. And then hire None. Everyone I know in my circle has either already interned or presently interning at JSA.

Enough room for all

There is however still a bleak chance of getting an internship during academic sessions, but then again, given the present scenario in college, you will have a job but no degree. From others who get internships at various places I really want to know when they apply for it. Apply six months in advance and they say “we will revert back to you”. And by the time you'll  think that you should remind them now, they are already houseful as if all of a sudden, they started screening Bahubali 2.

Imagine a trained driver or a home servant coming to your house and offering you service for a month, that too free of cost ! Who on earth would say NO to that. Except off-course if you don't have a car. Or a house. Even if u don't have one, you will borrow your neighbor's car for a month to avail this service. But don't know by what logic these firms function.We are willing to work, but they don't want us to help them. Forget the Tier I firms, Even the firms like - Randomfirmfromlawctopus and Associates- starts considering itself CAM & SAM and wont even acknowledge your application.

Now if you please excuse me, I  have to update my CV and send some more applications. For the period (Nov-Dec 2020).

[Note : The author is unemployed and will remain so for a long time ]

New VCLeaks: One Welcome & 40 Farewells

I always wanted to have a Batch Hoodie. But when we finally got one, it was in this era of uncertainty that may render it useless anytime. No one can predict the year of your  graduation. To be on a safer side, just get a hoodie printed “Batch of New VC”.

Gone are the days when time was expressed in terms of BC and AD. Now the determining factor is the era of OVC and NVC (old VC and new VC). Period from July 2013 NVC to November 2013 NVC witnessed the Welcome of our new VC and Farewell of 36 students ( 22 demoted, 14 debarred) and 4 faculty members. My batch had more than 100% strike rate with 6 people gone in 5 months.

In order to comprehend the new system, I tried to interview some of the staff members in the administration. Sources have revealed that Director while leaving, suggested this measure of demoting  students as a part of his strategy to curb the menace of ragging. “The high probably and constant threat of going to a junior batch will not only act as a deterrence for seniors to act over smart in front of juniors, but will also help in developing cordial relations between them ”, he explained.

I approached our new faculty Mr. Satyam Enron Bhardwaj who humbly confessed “When I came to NLU, I suggested an international student exchange program to Madam, like the one we had in NALSAR. However I could not communicate this idea properly due to my soft voice and also my laptop crashed in the middle of presentation. Madam thought I was talking about inter-batch student exchange, and she got so impressed with the idea that she issued the list of 22 students next day under this program. I tried to clarify the same but couldn't get appointment to meet madam again. My sincere apologies to all the students”. Saying this he offered his resignation.

Shocked by all this, I went to Prof Pragmatic Vyanjan’s office who was busy packing his suits and ties in a suitcase with resignation letter in his hand. He said “VC was not pleased when I asked  Poonam bhaiya to fix the Sign board I took from Subway at Sardarpura that read “ We bake our own bread” outside my office. She ordered an immediate eviction”. He said he will miss us and that he loves United States.

I was about to leave with teary eyes when Prof. American Pie barged in looking for a chair, and asked Pragmatic if he is taking his chair along with him. He too had a resignation letter on his “table”.

I tried interviewing Sir Guru Jambeshwar (aka AKS) who was busy drafting a disclaimer for his e-mail. He refused to answer any query without a 15 days notice and prior approval of the VC for the same along with signatures of all the debarred students and their parents.

I finally went to Mr. Chota  Bheem sir and asked him to say a few words for the debarred students. He instantaneously said, "You tell"! Then after exchange of uncomfortably long  smiles, he uttered a few random english Keywords and concluded by saying “thank you for your future”.

I tried talking to the VC but could only procure an appointment in 2015. “We ourselves have a waiting list of two weeks to meet her” complained the personal secretary of VC. He said that Schedule has been very hectic as Madam has to go to New Delhi every now and then to press for the Amendment in Transfer of Property Act 1882. He informed that she has recommended change in the definition of “property” to include “students” In it, thereby facilitation their “Transfer” from one batch to another. He later  suspected me to be from a political party and warned me not to politicize the matter.

If the same situation continues , there will be no teacher  left in this college and just a handful of students  attending  VC’s lecture in her car parked inside Acad Block. They will have so much time and experience inside campus that they will turn academicians and start teaching in NLU thereby getting 100 %  in-campus placement.

Lets just pray for the victims and hope we are not next. And wish them “Thank you for their future”.

Fare Thee Well

Why This Ko-Law-Very ??

  

[ Here's a piece that I wrote to motivate young minds for joining law, when I initially  started considering myself a stud after making it to NLU ]

The moment you enter an elite Law school campus, you will be tired of answering this question to everyone, from your Orientation day to Farewell. One simple question -"Why law?"

Few oversmart kids would try to impress the first class by saying "Because I couldn't make it to IITs", few Boston Legal fans would say "Because Its cool", girls will just surrender with a confused smile, assuming it to be cute. But before anyone else, you need to ask yourself this question.

For answering this question, lets tackle it by rule of Elimination.The present generation in India, by default was running after Engineering, after 10 + 2. Not that they loved the profession (infact, most of them hate it) but simply because everyone else is doing that. As Chetan Bhagat in his latest novel, truly puts in "We are from a simple Indian family.We dont ask these questions. we want to make a living. Engineering gives us that. and filling your stomach, never goes old fashioned". But  the over mushrooming of the Technical institutes in last few years, has spoiled it all. As per a recent article in Hindustan times, many institutes are directed to be shut down, because there is no connection between the input and output of students and jobs. Law on the other hand, is the safest profession one can choose. No matter how many colleges come up, law is always "IN". No recession can affect the people in this profession,on the contrary, it supplements the litigation.

 “Times, they are changing”.With the upcoming of these NLU's in India and several other prestigious law schools, with their brand value attached, is not only attracting students of all class and streams, but also promises financial security (and that too quite luxuriously), intellectual satisfaction ( you get to deal with real life social situations, rather than hypothetical equations), and the amount of exposure like never before. Especially if you posses oratory skills in ur school days, you will fall in love with law schools. Even if you dont, you will easily turn into one within no time.

Image of a Tobacco chewing lawyer outside civil courts with a chair and an umbrella has drastically been replaced by a linen robed professional, getting down from his BMW, fiddling with his blackberry.When you will go for your internship, during your semester break, and get to see the courts, right from the SUV's in the parking lot, to the dignity maintained inside courtrooms, trust me you will find the answer to this query.

The above mentioned factors are for most of freshers, just out of school life. But as you grow with legal profession, you will realize how much opportunity it gives you to be the change in the society, that you always wanted. How it feels to fight for people's right. How it feels to understand, interpret and modify  the system as best as per your satisfaction.

Thanks to the awareness and informations about the legal education, in last few years, people have really understood the importance and value of the same. Still a novice, CLAT is gaining more or less same prestige in the eyes of Indian parents as JEE, although technically CLAT has better prospects. And once you have made up your mind and choose to enter into it, you have plethora of committees and groups all over the social networking sites, monitored and administered by the professionals and totally dedicated to promote guidance and assistance to all. Such an environment makes it much easier for students to know anything about law and Law Schools.

"Good chances for the young no longer exist as formerly in this crowded competition, "complained a youthful law student to Daniel Webster. "You are mistaken, "replied the great statesman and jurist, "there is always room at the top."

[Note : This is my column for Sarvapratham (www.Sarvapratham.com) dated 19/11/2013]