Kyunki Fifth Years Bhi Kabhi Freshers The

Dear Freshers

Yes, this is how it feels to finally give up on IIT/PMT and every other dream career of your parent's choice and accidentally hitting  a jackpot by making it to one of the most prestigious and chilled out institution of the Country. Welcome to THE NLU.

Your parent's mantra during board exams must still be ringing in your ears " These are crucial years that will determine your whole life. work really hard now you can enjoy later". Trust me no one is going to ask your boards marks ever again, except few of your kamine friends. 

And the "later" that your parents were talking about is "NOW"

But before you start knitting dreams about  Bollywood style college life,

here are a few tips :-

1) First month is the BUMPER SALE SEASON for getting a girlfriend/boyfriend at discounted rate. Stock will be over before you can unpack your bags. So HURRY !!!*

*Conditions Apply

2) NLU Campus is strictly "No Alcohol Zone"! *

* ([ROABFL WBIOH AWIA] - Rolling On Acad Bloc's Floor Laughing With Beer In One Hand And Whiskey In Another)

3) Do Not Buy "MY 6 subject notebook". Trust me you wont use it. You can play  TIC TAC TOE in your smart phones only.

4) Maintaining a decent CGPA is very important but that shouldn't be the only thing you do here. To quote one of our Professor- " CGPA is like a Bikini beta, It shows you everything, but hides the most important assets".

 P.S: Do not take the platform in his class.

 5) Believe me it is really hard to Fail in this college. But with determination and consistency, nothing is impossible.

 6) 'Repeat' is like Heropanti here. Sabki Aati nahi, Aur kisi kisi ki Jaati nahi.

7) Courses are structured as per the availability of the faculty and not the other way round. Most faculty members are like those of Defense Against The Dark Arts. No one lasts longer than a year.

8) NLU people are ex officio brand ambassadors and official agent of National Handloom ( One stop shop for everything ranging from toilet paper to cooler) in Jodhpur. Dikhawe pe mat jao, apni akal lagao.

9) Compel your floor mates to buy their own bucket and broom and in some cases toothpaste and Deo. You might consider it frivolous right now  but very soon you will be moaning regretfully "NGS had warned me".

10) Be nice to Assholes in your batch. They will be the first one to get PPO's and Job.

PS: No offence

PPS: Unstoppable Offence, Immovable Defence. GAME ON.

 11) Dont get excited by the variety of dishes available in the menu. You will eventually survive only on chilli Aloo from one mess and Omelette from the other.

12) If you are a party animal, you are entering the Jungle here. Drink, Dope, have long poker nights, download torrent, access LAN, get food delivered in your room from Tuck shop and chill.You are in a holiday resort for 5 years.

For Inside details see here ;)

13) Apply in All the committees. It works like Government's ministry. Just like Smriti Irani in HRD , U can be in any committee irrespective of your lack of expertise in that field.

14) You are now our substitute to compulsorily attend all the conferences and seminars organised for God Knows who.

15) Acting ultra smart and over funny in first few weeks is quite natural, but everyone will know you -in and out- very soon so don't make a fool of  yourself by acting like Charlie Sheen when you know you are Alan at heart.

16) Never let this misleading thought linger in your mind - "Now I have an NLU Tag, my life is set". Getting a welcoming ENTRY here was a cake walk but a respectful EXIT is hard to earn.

Moreover never forget that Rahul Gandhi too has a Harvard and Cambridge Tag, if that helps. 

I had, once drawn an analogy between NLU and The Hunger Games, which is still relevant

• You were in the "Reaping"(Clat) as a result of ur rebellion against PCM/Bio.
• Everyone wants a show here.Wont mind setting oneself on fire.
• Best way to survive here is to make friends with the "Sponsors" (Placement people) who will provide you with in-game supplies (Internships).
• You will have to make friends with people who,you know will kill you at the right time.
• Rules of the games can change anytime ( Attendance fine,tests,and syllabus) 

So Guys. HAPPY HUNGER GAMES. MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOUR !!!

3 mistakes of my life !

It is said that God has a Plan for all of us. I'm waiting for his Plan B.
A series of wrong academic decisions has forced me to question the very basis of Education in general and my role in it, in particular.Lemme tell you the three mistakes of my Academic life.

Blunder No 1: Opting for Science ( PCM in 10+2)

That time it was considered cool to say "I am a PCM student" for those opting for Physics Chemistry and Maths. In an attempt to stay in the mainstream and act cool, I too choose the science stream and sold my childhood to Newton, Lavoisier and Archimedes.

I've spent countless nights murmuring "Hey He he, Le Babe!  Sea No ? Fuck ? Nahi ?? to memorize the rows of periodic table [H He Li Be B C N O F Ni ] and waited every single day to use the BODMAS rule atleast once in my real life.

I would have still inhaled the same amount of oxygen without learning that there is 21% oxygen and 78 % Hydrogen, and the amount of Fuck I give about stratosphere or troposphere is equal to the charge on a Neutron.
Only time I used the formula to find the circumference of a circle (2 π r ) was to rhyme it with Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar.

 

Brain washed by my relatives I started to believe that engineering is the only profession left for my generation and I deeply prayed that the world actually ends in 2012. Blinded by dreams of cracking IIT JEE I sat for hours in those coaching institutes balancing those chemical equations while my whole life was going out of balance.

When I tried to argue the fruitlessness of cramming these hypothetical situations and formulas for Sin, Cos Theta,  Alpha, Gamma, Beta my teachers said calmly "BCos Beta ! studying Science will help you develop analytical thinking." Not sure about analytical thinking but that torturous phase of my life sure helped me develop suicidal thinking. Finally I decided to use Fleming's middle finger rule and said F**k off Science, changing my field faster than the speed of light.

Blunder No 2: Not opting for Science [BPSC (Hons) LLB (Hons)]

Not repeating my previous mistake, was another mistake. The set formula to get higher CGPA in NLU Jodhpur is to Opt for BSC LLB and then Criminal Hons. Its a deadly combination to rocket shoot your sinking CGPA, but Alas no one told me this before. Everyone  gave me the bullshit about importance of social science subjects for overall understanding of Law. And when our political science teacher was teaching Anarchy, we were busy listening Anar Kali Disco chali ! ( My friend Akhilesh Actually asked the difference between Anarchy and Anar Kali in class, true story)

 When  Himesh Reshamia delivers that senseless dialogue from Xpose -"Tere shareer mein itna khoon nahi hoga, jitna Ravi kumar ek baar mein moot deta hai" I want to copy his tone to tell the BSC students,ki tumhare poore syllabus mein itne page nahi honge, jitne  NGS bina padhe hi bhar aata hai ! and then walk around in the NLU streets with my fellow BA students in Himesh's chamgadar attire singing “ Dard dilon ke kam ho jate , main aur tum agar BSC mein jaate...

After being tortured for five consecutive semesters by Chitra ki Kranti which made sure my grades in economics never rise above  RBI’s median estimate of GDP expansion (i.e 5.5 for this financial year) I would've happily switched  my grade card with BBA students who had to just bear with RDB sirjee's jokes to easily sail through semesters with average grade points.

 Cant resist sharing another of  Reshamia's epic dialogue when he says "Ravikumar langot ka bahut pakka hai, wo bistar pe neend ke alaawa kuch nahi leta", similarly NGS economics ka bohot pakka hai, woh 5.5 ke alawa kuch nahi leta ( while "kuch nahi milta", being appropriate term in both the cases). 

The simplest definition for BA LLB is given by a great greek philosopher who defined it as  " Hobbes, Locke Rousseau.. @#%  Mera chooso "

Blunder No 3: Opting Corporate Hons

Choosing an Hons subject at the end of 4th year is like choosing a retirement plan for your old age. Blessed are those who understood their potential by 4th year and opted for Criminal Hons like a wise senior citizen who intends to spend the last few days in peace. Cursed are those who rode the Business Bandwagon and crashed worse than the 1930's stock market and went into the Great Depression instead of getting a job.

Once you are convinced that you are not getting a job, best thing to do is to chill and enjoy college life as much as you can. When the criminal Hons students are sleeping comfortably all night long before end term, I wake up from my nightmare of AKS giving me Repeat because I did not write the name of the subject with blue ink or violated some procedural aspect of attempting his paper.

I have but respect for people like Rajat Gupta, Ramalingam Raju and every other person who not only understood the nitty gritty of corporate law but also found loopholes for million dollar scams. Had I been in Subrata Roy's place, I would've lost all the investor's money by mistake and  appeared in the court grinning shamelessly, saying " Oops.. sorry, My bad !" Its all too complicated to comply with the guidelines.. I dint get it.. sorry.. gtg.. bye. tc."

Now that we are the senior most in college and more mistakes wont do much harm, we should make sure to try all other blunders in the last year. So that at least you can take out your guitar and and rum like a wise  old monk and sing peacefully at the hostel terrace in the last year -
" Saari Umar hum, Mar Mar ke jee liye
Ek pal toh Ab hume, Peene do, Peene do....

Give me some Advice, give me some Grades
Give me another Glass, I wanna Throw up once again !!!!!!!!!!
la la lala..la la lala.........................."