3 mistakes of my life !

It is said that God has a Plan for all of us. I'm waiting for his Plan B.
A series of wrong academic decisions has forced me to question the very basis of Education in general and my role in it, in particular.Lemme tell you the three mistakes of my Academic life.

Blunder No 1: Opting for Science ( PCM in 10+2)

That time it was considered cool to say "I am a PCM student" for those opting for Physics Chemistry and Maths. In an attempt to stay in the mainstream and act cool, I too choose the science stream and sold my childhood to Newton, Lavoisier and Archimedes.

I've spent countless nights murmuring "Hey He he, Le Babe!  Sea No ? Fuck ? Nahi ?? to memorize the rows of periodic table [H He Li Be B C N O F Ni ] and waited every single day to use the BODMAS rule atleast once in my real life.

I would have still inhaled the same amount of oxygen without learning that there is 21% oxygen and 78 % Hydrogen, and the amount of Fuck I give about stratosphere or troposphere is equal to the charge on a Neutron.
Only time I used the formula to find the circumference of a circle (2 π r ) was to rhyme it with Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar.

 

Brain washed by my relatives I started to believe that engineering is the only profession left for my generation and I deeply prayed that the world actually ends in 2012. Blinded by dreams of cracking IIT JEE I sat for hours in those coaching institutes balancing those chemical equations while my whole life was going out of balance.

When I tried to argue the fruitlessness of cramming these hypothetical situations and formulas for Sin, Cos Theta,  Alpha, Gamma, Beta my teachers said calmly "BCos Beta ! studying Science will help you develop analytical thinking." Not sure about analytical thinking but that torturous phase of my life sure helped me develop suicidal thinking. Finally I decided to use Fleming's middle finger rule and said F**k off Science, changing my field faster than the speed of light.

Blunder No 2: Not opting for Science [BPSC (Hons) LLB (Hons)]

Not repeating my previous mistake, was another mistake. The set formula to get higher CGPA in NLU Jodhpur is to Opt for BSC LLB and then Criminal Hons. Its a deadly combination to rocket shoot your sinking CGPA, but Alas no one told me this before. Everyone  gave me the bullshit about importance of social science subjects for overall understanding of Law. And when our political science teacher was teaching Anarchy, we were busy listening Anar Kali Disco chali ! ( My friend Akhilesh Actually asked the difference between Anarchy and Anar Kali in class, true story)

 When  Himesh Reshamia delivers that senseless dialogue from Xpose -"Tere shareer mein itna khoon nahi hoga, jitna Ravi kumar ek baar mein moot deta hai" I want to copy his tone to tell the BSC students,ki tumhare poore syllabus mein itne page nahi honge, jitne  NGS bina padhe hi bhar aata hai ! and then walk around in the NLU streets with my fellow BA students in Himesh's chamgadar attire singing “ Dard dilon ke kam ho jate , main aur tum agar BSC mein jaate...

After being tortured for five consecutive semesters by Chitra ki Kranti which made sure my grades in economics never rise above  RBI’s median estimate of GDP expansion (i.e 5.5 for this financial year) I would've happily switched  my grade card with BBA students who had to just bear with RDB sirjee's jokes to easily sail through semesters with average grade points.

 Cant resist sharing another of  Reshamia's epic dialogue when he says "Ravikumar langot ka bahut pakka hai, wo bistar pe neend ke alaawa kuch nahi leta", similarly NGS economics ka bohot pakka hai, woh 5.5 ke alawa kuch nahi leta ( while "kuch nahi milta", being appropriate term in both the cases). 

The simplest definition for BA LLB is given by a great greek philosopher who defined it as  " Hobbes, Locke Rousseau.. @#%  Mera chooso "

Blunder No 3: Opting Corporate Hons

Choosing an Hons subject at the end of 4th year is like choosing a retirement plan for your old age. Blessed are those who understood their potential by 4th year and opted for Criminal Hons like a wise senior citizen who intends to spend the last few days in peace. Cursed are those who rode the Business Bandwagon and crashed worse than the 1930's stock market and went into the Great Depression instead of getting a job.

Once you are convinced that you are not getting a job, best thing to do is to chill and enjoy college life as much as you can. When the criminal Hons students are sleeping comfortably all night long before end term, I wake up from my nightmare of AKS giving me Repeat because I did not write the name of the subject with blue ink or violated some procedural aspect of attempting his paper.

I have but respect for people like Rajat Gupta, Ramalingam Raju and every other person who not only understood the nitty gritty of corporate law but also found loopholes for million dollar scams. Had I been in Subrata Roy's place, I would've lost all the investor's money by mistake and  appeared in the court grinning shamelessly, saying " Oops.. sorry, My bad !" Its all too complicated to comply with the guidelines.. I dint get it.. sorry.. gtg.. bye. tc."

Now that we are the senior most in college and more mistakes wont do much harm, we should make sure to try all other blunders in the last year. So that at least you can take out your guitar and and rum like a wise  old monk and sing peacefully at the hostel terrace in the last year -
" Saari Umar hum, Mar Mar ke jee liye
Ek pal toh Ab hume, Peene do, Peene do....

Give me some Advice, give me some Grades
Give me another Glass, I wanna Throw up once again !!!!!!!!!!
la la lala..la la lala.........................."

Brace yourselves.. End term is coming

[Disclaimer: Only GoT Fans will understand. You can still hit like to give an impression that u understood it too]

Dirty politics, incest, gays, Eunuch, sex, violence, slaughter, animals,dragons,wolf, devil, sorcerer, lies, cheating, gambling, whores, tits and then some more tits. Just finished watching Game of throne's Three seasons in four days and my mind is full of everything that my mom always warned me not to watch on TV. My mind is so corrupted that even in my dreams I see three eyed raven and "when I close my eyes I see tits bouncing".
I can so imagine Ned Stark robed in his fur and saying " Brace yourselves, End term is Coming".

The other day when the Sanyam caterer boy  asked me to clear my account, I gave him a stern look and said " Tell that cap wearing fool that Lannister's aren't the only one who pay their debt ".

The Sanyam Aunty joined him and said " Beta,  You don't seem to understand the situation" To which I replied "I understand that if any more words come pouring out your cunt mouth, I'm going to have to eat every fucking chicken masala in this mess.

Next day when I went for my Investment law viva , I could hear AKS saying " You know nothing NGS"

By the way I realized that since Day zero is over, our batch too has been divided into various kingdoms. The Iron throne has already been taken by the toppers and few are fighting to grab a place in the small council. By the end of Tenth Sem some more will be the Lords of some house or the other while most of my brothers will join the Night's watch for this night and all the nights to come.

Now the thing about GOT is that the moment I start comprehending a character and develop a liking, he is already dead. When It comes to Luck, I think I share the same Gods as The Starks, Both New and Old.

Just like a Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair, any end term without at least three repeats was a dull affair before this Administration. But cant risk it now or else we will have the same fate as the red wedding at twins and our Khaleesi's PA will come with a notice and whisper in my ear " The VC sends her regards. 

The End term is coming and we will see a lot of "Night walkers" but Alas there is no tuck shop this time. Syllabus is huge and we have no idea about any subject. Sometimes when the night is dark and full of terrors, I try to open my book and Syrio's golden words come ringing in my ears.
"What do we say to the Studies ?"

 "Not Today"

Recruitment Interviews : JOB We Met

With the start of recruitment process, I see people around me attending regular classes till 3, special classes till 7, doing some thing or the other till library is open and then brushing up on Contract and Company law all night long.They probably have a harder 24 hours in a day than ATS Chief Jai Singh Rathore.

 I can so imagine an average NLU student narrating the scenario in Anil Kapoor's voice on Day Zero ( Powered by Toyota Corolla Altis) -
 " Batch Mein Recruitment Process start ho gaya hai ! Top rankers ne Library Hijack kar rakhi hai aur har taraf se TOPA SOGA aur Company's Act  ki Awazein Aaa rahi hain. Lower ranked students ki Zindagi khatre mein hai. Main, still hopeful average NLU Student, Aur yeh meri zindagi ke sabse Mushkil 24 Ghante ! "

Just when you started to regret the choice of your Honor's course, you are already answerable to these Firms and Companies regarding The 2013 Amendment, Favorite Football Club, Current Location of MH 370 and your Bra size.

The atmosphere created by these interviewers makes you question the very existence of your life in a law school in particular and this Planet in general. Only answer you can be sure of is your name. You cant even answer your batch or semester confidently In this administration.

All the recruiters have a fixed pattern of question that is really irritating and should be banned. Even they know that no one answers them honestly. I really want to give my next interview in this manner. That's the dream :-

Interviewer : Mr. NGS, please tell us why did you choose our Firm ?

Me: Uhmmm Sir..Actually I dont give a fuck about your firm, Its just the money. I would've happily worked for Brazzers if they offered me job and same money. And yes you better be quick coz I have to prepare for my other interviews.

Interviewer : Okay, so tell us where do you see yourself Three years down the line

Me: Well, To be very frank, I see myself protesting outside VC's office to cancel my debarment in the last chance to pass out of college. By the way I have not even planned whether tonight I will watch Ragini MMS 2 or Ramsay's Neighbours - They are Vampires. And trust me sir, this is the stupidest question ever. Imagine where would YoKejriwalSoHonest  be, had he answered that question honestly for his TISCO Interview.

Interviewer : Alright Mr. NGS, lets get serious now.Which Area of Law interests you the most ?

Me : Area Kutton ke hote hain Sir Ji, Sher ke nahin. By the way last time I read anything about law was while preparing for CLAT and I still believe that KG Balakrishnan is our CJI and Naveen Chawla is our CEC, so I think Torts will be my answer. And living in NLU Jodhpur Hostels has given me  fair idea about Salmond's Pigeon hole theory.

Now the moment he switches to Technical questions, I will start bluffing him, and I want him to take out his idea mobile, rise from his chair and start dancing to the tune of - No Ullu Banaoing !! No Ullu Banaoing !!

Well Jokes apart, This semester is coming to an end and I am having weird feelings. Most of our batchmates will be placed and settled. Rest of us will be smiling and congratulating them while accepting the fact that  they've earned  it and that we have been lazier than Breaking Bad's hair stylist.

 I have been really close to the present 5th year batch and with the end of this semester the'll be leaving in 49 days. Good part is that I still have same number of days with them as Kejriwal's Chief Ministerial period. Hope this also gets action packed and happening like Delhi Government.

 I just want to quote this dialogue from Highway “Jahan se  mujhe laaye ho wahan mein wapas jaana nahi chahta aur jahan tum mujhe le ja rahe ho wahan pahuchana nahi chahta …bas pasand hai ye rasta…chahta hun bas ye rasta kabhi khatam na ho.”

Your NLU days were Awesome if you remember this

After all the 90's Kid nostalgic posts all over facebook, I decided to pay tribute to  my NLU's childhood days. Probably, only Kids of 2015 Batch and before will understand.

 Your NLU  days were Awesome if you remember this :

1) From Kaleji fry to Amritsari Chola Kulcha, Chicken 65 to Non-veg Thali, Dilip Sa's menu could make any residential college in the country jealous.

Dum Maro Dum ( DMD)

Disclaimer: It also makes your local physician wealthy. Dilipsa seemed to be in the "rat" race.

2) You have not listened to Summer of 69 enough, unless you have seen the Legend himself perform it.This Rockstar, right here, surrounded by beautiful ladies has stolen the heart of many.

Those were the best days of my life !

Go Jack !!!!!!! Marry Me !!!!!!!

3) These Stud Professors of NLU made us realize that classroom teaching is not only about Attendance but there are "umpteen" number of things we can learn from an early morning lecture.

Stud, Studer, Studdest

4) If you were not scared on the first day of your ragging, you were not standing in front of this guy. But a week later, he will take care of all your recreational needs possible inside campus and shows you a whole new level of craziness that you can imagine.

Hop like Chickens !

5) Ran out of alcohol at midnight ! No problem. Stand near the boundary wall behind pump house and call Sutta Hut, which had a better delivery service than Pizza Hut.

6) You have not enjoyed your Maggi and Bhujia Paratha for Rs 28/- each, unless you have fought with Saurav to change Doremon and watch cricket match at Cool Palace (CP)

7) Those were the days when a free SDL party was not a rare event and Geoffreys and OTR resembled the NLU mess during weekends.

8) Got zero in first test and caught cheating in second ? Dont worry, You still have three chances to go.

9) You can bargain on both, Auto fare with Mahesh Ji and Attendance fine with VC and there existed a thing called Presentation before the VC.
Victim: Sir 5000 to jyada hai, 1000  Kar do. Repeat bhi bharna hai.
VC: Chal, na teri na meri, lets settle on 2500/-

10) Batch Id's were full of Anonymous abuses before the popularity of Google groups and gtalk was the lifeline of chatting before Whatsapp.

11) YouTube and Torrent was a distant dream and only place to find " Funny videos" was LAN.

12) We have hugged each other and danced together  in the mess Lawn, when  Dhoni gave a finishing blow to hit a six and create history in World Cup 2011, while we enjoyed free chicken by Shubham caterer.

13) Last but not least, At the stroke of midnight hour, when people leave your room, you bolt the door and get ready to meet the silent guardian, watchful protector, our Saviour \\ BANSAL.
We still miss Yo Daddy ka maal.

New VC Leaks Part II: Knock knock, Who's there.

Who are we : NLU Students
What do we want : Sleep till 2 PM on a Sunday afternoon
When do we want it : When we receive threats of serious consequences from the administration

With so many things happening around in the era of NVC, I decided to take out my pen and note pad to interview the members of the administration once again. On my way to the staff room, I noticed a white corolla following me. I grew suspicious and moved towards it to enquire the matter, but before I could see who is sitting, two guys forced me into the car and covered my face with black cloth.

Next thing I know, I was sitting in a conference hall where a middle aged man was telling us how to improve the personality ( which, according to him is only possible by cracking civil services exam). I raised my hand to present a counter view but was threatened of cutting the internet connection and outpasses.

I came back to my room and slept. When I woke up, I was shocked to see myself in another conference on "Mixer, Grinder and Blender studies".

As soon as the conference ended, I received another mail -
"Under the instructions of the Vice Chancellor, it is hereby informed that every student is supposed to attend the conference being organized on ‘Forthcoming Draconian laws: Activism in cutting down funds and weekends’

 Failure to attend the conference may lead to serious consequences.

Heil Hitler "

I lost my cool and Charged towards the VC office, but the PA informed me that ma'am is in a meeting with Adl Solicitor General. He further told me that a very important discussion is going on about how to prevent students from sleeping till late hours on weekends. I shouted out loud " Who has been knocking on our doors this Sunday morning", and to my surprise, for the first time, VC came out and said " I Am The One Who Knocks".Then she went inside to resume the meeting. 

Scared and disappointed, I went to cry in front of my favorite professor RDB sirjee. After hearing my grievances, He started shouting " Helloooooo.. helloooooooo.. NGS. First come and sit in the front row. Very Good. Now listen. Do not mess with the VC, or else she will make sure to find out the date of your Wedding and She'll Schedule the Convocation of your Batch on exact same date. No one will come for your wedding *Smiles*.He later revealed that he was Manu Fan's fan.

 He was then joined by his sweet wife Prof Mono oxide, who said " Roll No 837, if you continue doing such things, your attendance will be cut. If you want to raise any issue, raise it in a group of four people"

RDB sirjee gave a very long smile and said "I will mail this on your batch ID". He then sneaked out humming " Helloo, helooo.. I am a hunter, you want to....."

While coming out, I bumped into sir Guru Jambeshwar( aka, AKS) who promptly said " material leke kyun nahi aaye ? "I asked him to say something about this atrocity, he said " I can not comment on this, unless you get a recommendation letter from Justice Ganguly and Justice Swatantra Kumar regarding Ms Indira Jai Singh". I left immediately. Nothing to Do here.

While coming out of the Acad block, I thought of checking the notice board, and to my horror, I saw this :

                                                                 NOTICE 

The Vice Chancellor is pleased to announced that Yuvardha is now replaced by conferences on sports under the chairmanship of Mr N. Srinivasan, NH-65 replaced by conferences on Good Roads and Highways under chairmanship of Mr Narendra Modi, Anti trust moot replaced by Seminars on " Promoting practice at Bar : Steps to curb the corporate firms culture" and Farewell ceremony to be replaced by farewell addresses of Prof American Pie and Prof Pragmatic Vyanjan. 

It is mandatory to have 70 percent attendance in all these seminars. No deemed will be entertained for this purpose. Failing to comply with this may lead to serious consequences.

By order

Registrar

Copy to:

• PA to VC
• Chief warden
• Honey, Sumit and Golu

I sat on the Acad block stairs with teary eyes and I could see my reflection in the white car parked right in front of me.  

[ Disclaimer: All the events and characters in this post are fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone in or outside NLU ] ;)

Iska Faisala INTRA Karegi

Winter Intra University moot court competition (Wintra, as we call it) is back again along with continuous assessment ( read harassment) tests to mark the end of honeymoon period of the semester.

The mooters Constitute the "cool" class of Law students while non mooters are usually treated like PG students in an NLU. The more you moot, the cooler you get.The idea of being cool for the latter category is to sleep comfortably under the blanket in their rooms.

Since the stud mooters and intra busters already get sufficient limelight and attention, I want to honor those who never let an intra season go by without sending their consent and then withdrawing it later. There's a fixed pattern that is repeated every Semester :

Step I: Send the consent mail without delay

Step II : Analyse the list of participants Top to Bottom and eliminate the non habitual mooters calling them names - "Is Ch***ye ka to nahi hoga "

Step III: Apply all the permutations and combinations that you learnt in 11th standard to anticipate your odds of getting a moot

Step IV: Imagine a trip to Amsterdam or Paris on a tourism moot and plan to buy a carton of Dunhill from the airport for the floormates

Step V: Scan through the Proposition

Step VI: Send another mail with the subject " Withdrawal of consent " at intra.nlu@gmail.com

Step VII: Get debarred from the next two intras

Step VIII: Watch Gulaal again and laugh your ass off when Ransa says : "Agar tere baap ne sahi samay pe Withdraw kar liya hota to tu har*****gi se bach jata... "

Then there are other wannabe mooters, who don't GIVE UP that easily but TAKE IT very easy.

• When wannabe mooters are deciding on whether to give intra or not, the intra busters have already made the cover page and issues from both the sides.
• While the intra busters are glued to their laptops, researching on the issues for Wintra, wannabe mooters are researching for handbags and dresses for their Valentine at Myntra
• When wannabe mooters are busy updating their status as " FML, Intras !! " on WhatsApp, the intra busters are already half way through Jessup.
• When intra busters are practicing for the oral rounds, wannabe mooters are calculating the penalty for late submission and errors.
•  When intra busters are sitting in moot allocation, wannabe mooters are taking solemn vow in their rooms of never doing the intras again.

Later they are seen accusing the unholy cartel among participants, connection with MCC members, and girl's tits for their failure.

When I was in School, I came across one sloka in my Sanskrit class which was :

आरभ्यते न खलु न विघ्नभयेन नीचैः
आरभ्य विघ्नविहिता विरमन्ति मध्याः
विघ्नैः पुनः पुनरपि प्रतिहन्यमानाः
प्रारभ्य चोत्तमजनाः  न परिजयतन्ति

It says that there are three types of men  (i) neech (lowly) (ii) madhya (average) and (iii) uttam (of high calibre). 'Neech' persons do not undertake an assignment fearing some 'vighna' (obstacles), the 'madhya type of persons after starting a job/work abandon it if they encounter any obstacle, but the 'uttam' persons after undertaking a job do not relinquish or abandon it even if they encounter problems/obstacles one after another until such time the task/job is accomplished.

 I realised that we used to fall under second category in initial semesters when we used to start at least and then submit a dummy memo. Now we have become " Neech".

Looking at everyone around me, working their asses out for intra, sleep/food deprived, putting life on hold, I wonder what will they get as a reward ? More moots to work. And maybe later a job to make unlimited memos like this 24x7 for a law firm. Is it worth It? Then I look at others, sitting in their dark rooms, listening Trance, with a glass and a burning stick rolled with malana Cream, and I say to myself "Most Obliged your 'HIGH'ness".

As the date of submission arrives, one sits in the classroom and wonders " Itna sannata kyun hai bhai" while Sharda University gets an inferiority complex because THE WORLD IS AT NLU LIBRARY.

The world is at Sharda University

 Serious candidates occupy the library as soon as the guard opens the lock and they build a huge fort around their table of all the thick books available in the library, sitting inside like those security commando's barrack at Delhi Metro stations. Those who start late are seen checking Manupatra history but to their disappointment the search results says "Stop checking other's research you fool" or has some anonymous love confessions. The seriousness of the already established mooters inside library makes you take a sutta break every now and then and every random book that they have in front of them seems to have all the cases that you cant find. They however hide that book somewhere in the library before checking out every night.

Looking at the heaped up luggage and restless crowd in and around the library, I can totally visualise Arvind Kejriwal's Janta Darbar. In his own words " Hum AAM law students hain, bohot chote log hain, Hamari koi haisiyat nahi. Humhe stud kehlane ka adhikaar hai ya nahi, Iska Faisala INTRA Karegi.

Iska Faisala Janta Karegi

You Had One Job !

Get into top NLU they said, U'll get a sure shot job they said.

Now that its almost time to be called an ex-Nluite, most of us will have to be contented with just the NLU tag. CGPA - Which is mostly achieved by doing CGPA ( Consistently Groping Professors's Arse) is the most important and probably the only criteria to determine who will enjoy his fifth year the most with no guilt and regret. I dint know that the digits in our grade card reflects the digits in our bank account in the immediate future.

This Vacation when I was glued with Zee Cinema all day, my mom asked me about the placement scenario in the University. I came up with this :-

Mayi ni Mayi, CV toh meri

Khol raha hai Daga

Jobless reh gaya , tera Dulara

Mann Daaru sang Laaga !!!

Tun tun tananananana.....

Every NLU student who doesn't get a job is doomed to face this one question from parents and relatives " Yehi karna tha to itna door jaane ki kya jaroorat thi ? Gorakhpur University kya buri thi Law ke liye ? " Thereby giving your distant cousin in Jadavpur University an intellectual high.  It is however but natural to get jealous when your batch mates and immediate seniors have a job paying more than 90K p.m while you still have to call home every month, grinning shamelessly " Haan Papa, abhi 5000 Dalwa do.., jee jee.., thik hai papa.. will call you back ( When I need more).

At this phase of life 'Civil Services' comes to the rescue. This favorite time pass of all the Indian students serves as a temporary cover to delay the extinction of  already fading dignity. Ever since your childhood, this is the safest reply to your future plans, without hurting the sentiments of your parents and relatives.

 In India, you are not considered a proper Indian unless you have an 'I' attached to your profession. We couldn't make it to IIT. IIM doesn't look feasible. IAS seems to be the only way to prove your nationality and troll your relatives. It serves as a perfect excuse as to why you did not "show much interest" in corporate job of a glorified clerk and prefer to serve Mayawati and Mulayam Instead. But then again you are answerable to your Banaras wale mausa ji " Agar yehi karna tha toh, NLU bhejne  ki kya jaroorat thi ? BHU bhi toh .....

NLU, being an elite professional University, is not seen as an educational institute but is seen more like an investment scheme that promises to multiply your deposit manifold. It is however subject to market risk and majority fails to comply with the terms and conditions thereby suffering loss. Others apply all their talent and energy in hope of getting a blowjob, rather than a proper job.

But life doesn't end in college. It is long and hard (That's what she said), and this is just the beginning. It doesn't matter who took the lead on Day Zero.What matters is, who finally turned out to be a Real Hero.

[Note: This is the my unedited post for legally India ( http://www.legallyindia.com/Blogs/final-year-blues) dated 3-2-14]