One For the NLU.One last ride

I do realize that most posts in this blog have revolved around NLU and I wont be able to continue this anymore as my law school life has reached its dead end. Now that farewell mails have started coming, It began to sink that everything is for last time. Last project, last viva, last class, last visit to Hans, last late night bakchodi with friends at SRK 410 and last days of comfort zone. So when people ask me to write a post one last time I see Vin Diesel in them and just smile like Paul walker for One last ride.

 This month almost everyone who has met me, had asked me these  questions at least once:

1) NGS, next blog kab aa raha hai ? One last time
2) Party kab de raha hai ?
3) Itna C****a hua kyun lag raha ?
4) Delivery kab hai ?

To satisfy the first query, I want to thank  each and every reader of mine for giving me so much love and affection. Everyone who doesn't even know me personally, but has appreciated my stupid posts, talked about it or admired it, It means a lot. If I had a time machine to go back in past and set things right and restart my life, I might not use it coz everything I gained in terms of you people will be lost.

 For second query, I must say SRK people have a long history of missing deadlines and are  too lazy to do anything that requires planning. But Lannisters Always pays their debts.

Third is not in my control man. Getting out of cocoon after half the decade is a mixed feeling. God knows what's in store outside when we won't require outpasses anymore.

For forth one. F*** U man ! I tried dieting, 7 minute workout, even downloaded NIKE App for Running, but one can of beer has 154 calories. Can u blame ME for that ?!!

These queries are easy to handle. But it hurts a little like when people like Rohit Bhaiya asked in RK mess, " Job Kahan Lagi Aapki ".
"Pehle ek masala maggi bana dijiye, bohot der se khada hun" I said
"Aapke paas vacancy hai kya ? Can I apply ? In campus placement ho jayegi finally" I wanted to say.

After the record breaking placements by our junior batch, Campus looks like that of NLS, while we are Exchange students from CNLU visiting it temporarily. Do one thing tonight, Just stand in the middle of mess arc, and look at all the faces around. Every third face will reek of employment. Wonder why are not 5th years allowed to sit for Day Zero. Jab Jawan ladka Ghar mein baitha ho to chote bhaiyon ki shadi kaise pehle kara sakte hain. These little Mofos @#$%&*

Jokes apart, many congratulations for raising the standard of NLU. U guys are just brilliant and I am sure your juniors will learn and raise the bar higher so that we could bask in the glory of NLU Tag and I can tell my Son in future that " I got into one of the finest law School of this country, but never ran after job like fools. U too get into something similar my son. Now go and complete your homework" " **Picks up bank account and tissue paper and starts sobbing as soon as son leaves the room**

I do feel strongly about the rights of teetotalers in NLU. They are the most genuine people in here but our way of celebration is very unfair to them. I want to put on a batman mask and ask everyone during orientation before joining NLU, " Tell me, Do you drink?"........ and then give the Superman reply " U will".  If they have turned up for any party, that means they genuinely obliged you and you should thank them for this.

I feel happy and sad at the same time when I see people deciding what to wear for Farewell or what to speak in farewell speech.Whole Atmosphere is bidding Good Bye. If you will look above in the sky surrounding campus you can see stars forming letters " Bye Bye NLU" with a "YS Images" watermark in one corner. Most of us are quite excited about farewell as this might probably the last time in our lives to feel special. Some have taken the slave thing so seriously that they are practicing Fifty Shades of Grey's tasks.

So many things coming to an end altogether.

Na VC ka darr, Na attendance ki Fikar
Na AKS ki deadline, Na RPD ki punchline
Na Shastri ka platform, Na CRE ki Uniform
Na Asha Bhandari, Na college ki Yaari
Na Manisha Mam's smile, Na OP ka style
Na Shovik ka aaram, Na show cause ka farmaan
Na Manoj Ka taxation, Na Parveen ki tension
Na Rosmy ka sweet nature, Na humara dark future
Na Chitra ki Kranti, Na Messi ki Shanti
All that's left is Farewell And Conti
( Sorry, Kuch Ban nahi raha :P)

Will Miss everything about this college. I want to thank everyone From VC ( for not filing case against me u/s 66A) to the Guards who allowed me to go out without outpass every single day.

Writing farewell Msges for everyone  is not possible but I will try my best to convey  my good bye, if you have smiled back at me at least once in all these years. For those I can't, I want to thank here for all the love, support, criticism and appreciation. Thank you soo much. Will Miss U all.

SWINE FLU KA DHOOM DHADAKA HU HA HU HA !

As the first case of H1N1 virus was reported positive in NLU, panic struck masked students were seen running around as if someone has planted a bomb in Campus. As soon as the authorities declared holiday for two weeks, campus was buzzing with news channels like ABP News, AAJ Tak , Headlines Today and Sumit Kumar Ganguly. The VC had decided to address the media in a press conference so I couldn’t resist sliding in and seeing what’s happening.

I was struggling my way into the conference hall but everyone was pushing me around. It was only when an ABP reporter stepped back and allowed me to come forward. I thanked him surprisingly, to which he replied” This is ABP News. AAP ko rakhe aage.”

 VC was sitting in the centre with all the prominent faculty members (And Shastri ji). The conference started:

Reporter1: Maa’m we have been hearing complains since past few weeks.Why was no action taken before?

VC: The moment I received complaints, ‘I was pleased’ to order my PA to call medical experts for a lecture in this topic and also asked him to arrange to quarantine this place. He could not understand my directions properly and called Quentin Tarrantino for lecture. I discovered it only a week later when he informed me that Quentin could not be reached and he has called Anurag Kashyap instead. I transferred my PA immediately using appropriate sections of Transfer of property Act. Now notices have been put up in mess area and HOR’s describing the meaning of the word ‘Quarantine’ for those who are demanding it without knowing what it means.

Reporter 2 : What actions have been taken to restrict the movement of persons in the campus ?

Chief warden stood up to answer this query but no one noticed him. It was only when he shouted out loud “ Ae Pharjee reporter!”, all cameras turned towards him. He said” We have been very far sighted about this and we have restricted the movement of people inside campus by out pass system ever since college was established. From now on, every time our students have to get their out pass signed by a swine flu expert also in addition to regular warden and chief warden.

Reporter 3: Is it a wise move to declare a sudden vacation for such a long period ?

Registrar, who was sitting in the public area, got up and faced the reporters” It was a tough call for an institute which never declared holidays even for gazetted holidays like Gandhi Jayanti. Rumours had it that a statue of Nathu Ram Godse was being installed in the green shed near acad block. For keeping the college open on occasions like Raksha Bandhan, Janm Asthami, Durga pooja, and celebrating events like valentine day, we were being branded anti-Hindutava by the new government. So we needed to send a strong message and compensate for all the vacations that have been taken away from our students to stay in good books of the government.

                             

Reporter 4: What about the placement Schedule that might get affected ?

Placement Kumar Sir, stood up this time to explain: "Yesh yesh. We had invited some law Firms and PSU’s for recruitment in this phase but they are very co-operative. They have agreed to shift the dates and meanwhile asked the students to re-submit their applications in Word Format, Excel Format, powerpoint format, PDF, paint, photoshop and also in ink and send scanned copies of the same to keep them engaged during this time. Anyways they have no vacancies now” He grinned.

Reporter 4:But how will students get reservations to go back home on such a short notice.

Placement Kumar Sir: I have an inside information that service tax and excise will be increased in this budget. So in my opinion it is better to avail the airline services before it is too expensive to afford. Anyways most students were already planning a Goa trip this semester so we are just facilitating their plan.

Reporters then turned towards students and asked what measures have been taken by the administration to help the infected and suspected cases.

Ganguly jumped in to answer but mike was snatched by a group of angry students who were suffering from normal cold.” it is a terrible situation here. Anyone who sneezes in the vicinity is looked down upon and is being treated as if he is not an NLUite anymore but Amity law Student. Ever since I caught simple cold, people are avoiding me like a Paid SDL Party. Every one has advice for us and it looks more like AIIMS than NLU. Even the dumbest of student is flaunting his knowledge on swine flu and talking in terms of N95 and oseltamivir phosphate, giving most of us an inferiority complex.

After this, many students and reporters started shouting and there was a complete chaos in the room till Shastri Ji stepped out, stood in the middle and closed his eyes. The room fell silent. Then he shook his head several times and spoke” If I may take the platform for 45 seconds, I am deeply desirous of giving you the precious advice that your voluminous queries could be satisfied only if you take your respective platforms in a prescribed manner.” Everyone stared at him with a look of absolute shock and confusion. He inserted his hands inside the collar of his Kurta and pulled out a pen drive that was tied around his neck and balanced it on his palms.”This memory device resting in my palms has all the answers that you seek as it has research papers on pre-conception and Pre-natal diagnostic technique Act, which according to me answers all queries arising in human mind in this world.” He stopped for a moment, checked his watch and continued ”As promised, my 45 seconds are over and I beg your leave as I have to procure my sitting arrangement in Mandore express at Platform one. Thank you.” He bowed and waited for applause, but when no one clapped he hurriedly left the room.

Students left to book Tatkal and flight tickets, shouting " Swine Flu Ka Dhoom Dhadaka Hu Ha Hu Ha!

#KejriwalforVC: Is baar chalegi Daaru

Very few people know that as a back up option after Delhi polls, Kejriwal has also applied for the post of VC in NLU Jodhpur. I was fortunate enough to get an exclusive interview with the Mufflerman himself.

Me: So Arvind ji, why do you want to be the VC of NLU Jodhpur ?

Kejriwal: I never wanted to be the VC of NLU. Main toh sirf Janta ke liye yeh sab kar raha hun. When I reached Jodhpur, It  was probably the end of a semester in NLU aur Janta Sweet home Pe NLU crowd ka itna bada jan sailaab dekhkar main samajh gaya ki Janta Sandwich mein bohot takat hai. Main yeh apne liye nahi kar raha, Janta special Sandwich ke liye kar raha hun.

Me: But why did you choose NLU Jodhpur in particular ?

Kejriwal: Dekhiye ismein do baatein hain. Main Hamesha 5 saal poora karna chahta tha. Sunne mein aaya ki yeh NLU ke bacchon ko 5 saal poora nahi karne de rahe hain. Ek course ke liye bacchon ko 7-8 sal tak college mein rakha jata hai. Main toh bada surprised hua yeh dekh kar ki  kuch ko toh 8 saal ke baad bhi degree nahi dete. Isiliye main "5 Saal With Kejriwal" ka naara lekar uthar gaya maidaan mein.

 Phir yeh bhi sunne mein aaya ki students ko bohot hectic schedule diya jaata hai aur sham ko jab woh relax hone ke liye baithte hain to hostels mein raid daal kar unki bottles seize kar li jaati hain. Woh seized bottles jaati kahan hai, iska jawaab nahi diya jaata aur fine laga diya jata hai aam aadmi pe. Yehi to scam hai. Isiliye toh lad rahe hain hum log. Par ab aisa nahi hoga. Is baar Chalegi ..Daaru.. *cough**cough* I mean Jhaadu.

Me: So,what is your action plan for NLU ?

Kejriwal: Agar Muddon ki baat karein to dekhiye sabse pehle to humein har jagah se CCTV Cameras hatane honge. Gates pe, library mein, yahan tak ki R.K mess mein bhi CCTV laga rakha hai. Isse guards ko excuse mil gaya hai ki gate par outpass dena jaroori hai kyunki warden sahab dekh rahe hain. Raat ke 1 baje bhi jao, toh bolte hain warden sahab dekh rahe hain. Lekin jab permission lene room pe jao to pata chalta hai 10 baje hi so gye ! Aise to nahi chalega na ?

 
 Jagah Jagah CCTV’s hone se couples ke liye spots bhi kam ho gye hain. Hum aam aadmi hain ji, chote log hain, dabe, kuchle gareeb log hain. Humare paas har weekend Pe Park Plaza mein room book karane ke paise nahi hain. Hum to campus mein hi kabhi library mein to kabhi football field pe jo thoda bohot milta hai, usi mein khush rehte hain. Toh cameras hatana bohot jaroori hai.

Doosra, humein poore campus ko wifi banana hoga. College ka net to chalta nahi hai. Chandraveer se lekar Registrar tak sab mile hue hain. AIB Knockout dekhne ke liye bhi mujhe subah  char baje tak intezaar karna pada, tab jaake youtube chala. Kuch logon ne toh is wajah se intra se withdraw bhi kar liya. Yeh bhi sunne mein aa raha hai ki hostels mein connectify mafia chalta hai, jisse kuch log internet ka poora bandwith apne mobiles aur laptops pe kheech lete hain. Isliye sabse pehle har laptop ki jaanch honi chahiye. Aur incognito mode mein auditing ki jayegi  jisse ki sabhi ko internet barabar istemaal karne ka mauka mile.

Abhi kal mujhe ek gareeb aadmi tuck shop ke paas mila. Bola Arvind ji, aap please kabhi Lan khol ke dekhiye NLU ka. New folders bana rakha hai par andar kuch masala hi nahi hai. Bina internet ke aam aadmi aakhir kahan jayega. IIN ?

Me: According to you, what is the basic problem in the attitude of the present administration ?

Kejriwal: Sabse pehle toh humein moral policing rokni hogi. Jis tarah BJP waale bolte the vikas karenge..vikas karenge.. aur jab satta mein aa gye to ladkiyon se bola ki jeans mat pehno. Usi tarah wardens aaye, bole padhai karenge..padhai karenge.. aur girls hostel mein ghus ke bole ladkiyon Jeans pehen lo.. Aise shorts mein mat ghooma karo *cough**cough*.  BJP waale bolte hain 4 bacche paida karo..aur yahan bechare ladkon ki ek bhi girlfriend nahi ban rahi... kahan se hoga vikaas?

Phir bijli paani ki samasya hai. Top floor waalon ko ek floor neeche jaana padta hai paani bharne ke liye. Raat mein jab coke khatam ho jati hai to paani toh milana hi padta hai. Ab toh tuck shop bhi band karwa di hai aur first years bhi aankh dikhane lage hain. Ek floor neeche jaane ka mann nahi hota. Sabhi floor walon ke liye barabar paani pahuchana hamari priority hogi.

 Acchi faculty attract karne ke liye aur law firms invite karne ke liye incentive nahi dete par cctv aur faaltu ke construction mein laakhon rupaye laga dete hain. 600 logon ke college mein 4-4 mess khol rakhi hai. Kabhi kabhi toh lagta hai, National Law University nahi National Food University hai. Is wrong allocation of funds ki CBI Jaanch honi chahiye.

 Itna bada college hai, aur maine suna hostels mein generators tak nahi hain. Placement 25 logon ki bhi nahi hoti par placement fees sabse har saal lee jaati hai. Jo saara din room pe baithe CS aur DOTA khelte hain, unse bhi Gym aur sports fee vasooli jaati hai. Course material ke naam par random case laws copy paste kar ke paise barbad kiye jaate hain. Choti- choti baat par hazaron rupaye ka fine lagaya jata hai. Inko website pe saari details daalni chahiye ki janta ke paise kahan jaa rahe hain. Outpass ke chakkar mein itna paper, time aur energy waste karte hain. Outpass system turant band kiya jaana chahiye.

 Bola jaata hai ki yahan pe highest CGPA waale ko student’s representative bana diya jaata hai. Yeh kya baat hui ji? Unse pooch toh lijiye jinko woh represent karne wale hain ? Har faisala janta se pooch kar hona chahiye. Aisi bohot saari basic baatein hai jo aaj tak nahi hui. Par ab aam aadmi jaag gaya hai. Woh chup nahi baithega *cough*cough*.

Maine to bola tha Didi se ki Moot court hall mein open debate kar lete hain, Shastri ji moderate kar lenge.. Ab to auditorium bhi ban gaya hai, wahi debate kar lein par madam apna 3”D” formula repeat karti rahi : Darana, Dhamkana aur Debar karna. Iska vorodh hona chahiye ya nahi, Iska faisala main Janta Sandwich kha kar karunga. Abhi SDL mein Chanda collect karne ke liye Daaru Pe Dance with Kejriwal ka program rakha hai. Uske bad aapse baat karta hun. Dhanyawaad.

Farewell Blues 2015

After copying in around 162 continuous assessments and assignments, arranging at least 35 projects from various universities, faking all the vivas for the same and changing roll numbers in at least 25 Memos for CREs, here we are, 54 end terms down and just 6 more to go. As someone rightly said "Waqt aur Sanjay Dutt kab nikal jate hain pata hi nahi chalta".Time is almost there for gharwapasi and to bid farewell to friends with whom we spent half the decade doing literally nothing.

Now that even juniors have started getting jobs and are being “sold off” to top firms, embarrassed unemployed seniors are getting thrill out of the fact that “at least we ragged them once”. To hide the shame they are coming out with innovative paralegal business ideas like opening a laptop/mobile depository centre outside Supreme Court or a law firm called “ Try Legal” that will shortlist only the last rankers and give it a “try”. I kid you not, we even considered publishing a summary of Bangia called “Jhanghia” and are very optimistic about its sale. Depending on it's Success we might come up with summary of Bennion too called Baniyan, in collaboration with AKS. Jhanghia & Baniyan is all we’ll be left with, after college.

For many of us, future and life after college is still the least of all concerns because there is so much more to worry about before that. Have a look at some of the pressing issues.

1)       How to frame a wannabe funny e-mail invite for my last sem SDL party and try to sound funny without using Ganguli’s photo ?

2)      Should the theme be “No pants party” or simply no party ?

3)      What is a better option: Asking Amritambu to get us discount on booze from army canteen or to be on a safer side, simply mixing one RS bottle with fifteen buckets of Tang ?

4)       Should I google “ Tips to deliver an impressive farewell speech” and pretend that it is spontaneous or just pull out a drunk NAMO on Stage.

Girls have already bought and rejected 28 sarees for farewell and they will use all the negotiation skills they learnt in law school to convince their friends not to wear that off white chanderi rose butti saree because they might wear similar colour and design. After hunting for 69 dresses for conti and other random SDL parties, all over Lajpat nagar and Sarojini during internship, they have given up and are hoping that their search will end at “Search ends” in Sardarpura, Jodhpur.

 Boy’s on the other hand, have just two primary concerns:

1)       How to ask their crush to be their slaves

2)       How to avoid spending much on slave dinner.

It is that stage of life where we are too ashamed to ask money from parents but at the same time we also want to bid farewell to college life with a bang. To cover up the extra last Sem expenses of parties, conti, slave dinner, group trip, farewell and more parties, we go back to Vedas and realize the worth of all the books lying in shelf, untouched for years and start selling them one by one. Juniors have already called dibs on your furniture and other appliances while Madan Sa and Sanju have become extra friendly and made several visits to your rooms carefully examining all the items from cooler to mattress and even that Scooby doo boxer you left hanging in the cloth stand.

 Some 5^th years have even started regretting not being very nice to their immediate juniors coz now 4^th years have the power to fuck up their farewell night.
 Dear fourth years, always remember that with great power comes great party. In case you wish to organize a farewell for us in NLU’s traditional style (which is not mandatory, btw) I have a few tips and suggestions based on my personal views and experience:  

•   You have to be very vigilant about who are friends with whom during this sem to allot the group slot on stage while also dealing with weird specific demands of my batch mates.
        No, you cannot send all weirdoes together in one group irrespective of their bonding. Nope.
• Songs that you choose for intro must have some relevance to individual’s personality. No, I am not fine with you playing “ Buddha Hoga Tera Baap” for me. Sorry.

•  Do not kill each other for difference in opinion regarding the THEME of the farewell and don’t become 007 to keep it secret from other batches. Nobody gives a shit and majority doesn't even understand. No, “Brazzers” is not an appropriate theme for our batch. “Orgy” neither :|
•   Even honey Singh’s party chalti hai only “till six in the morning” so keep it short and try to wind up before sunrise, unlike us.
         No you won’t get attendance in Prateek sir’s class if you enter 5 mins late that morning.
•   No need to show extra affection and have 58 dance performances before each group. It’s like watching unwanted commercial between Sunny Leone’s video, that you can’t even skip. Unless there’s something extra ordinary or personal dedication, try not to bore people and don't extend time.
        No, you can’t have “what does the fox say” or “Kolaveri Di” this year too.
•  My heartiest sympathy to people in IT team, who have to  collect and compile all pictures and songs only to get scolded coz that favourite Shahrukh song u used for him was supposed to be for her. Moreover screen won't even be visible in daylight so all your efforts will be wasted.
  

        No u can’t click pictures on the spot and use it in a one slide ppt like I had to do for some. For those people who don’t share a single pic on social media you can always say” Selfie kheench ke phone pocket mein daal liya ? Kitne selfie-sh hain aap”
  
                                                     

Anyways it’s too early for our farewell , right now it's time to bid farewell to 2014. We have so many things lined up this last sem : Acad week, cul week, sports week, day Zero for junies, tests, end terms,moots and endless parties. In the end I would like to say that "It’s been a great year. Thank you for spamming my facebook wall by your photo collages that no one opened.

                                                                           Happy New year !

                                                 

New VCleaks Part III (Diwali Special)

It’s that point of the semester again when we are calculating the cost of batch sweatshirt and the number of people who will remain with us in the batch.

Although there have been several incidents lately that called for a revolutionary protest in the college, but it was today’s notice declaring Diwali as a working day that forced me to investigate the matter in detail, one more time. I grabbed my notepad and entered the staff room to interview some of the faculty members regarding such atrocious notice.

As soon as I entered, I saw “Anand ki Tayari” Sir, smiling broadly and printing some “ Happiness is ...” quotes to be pasted in his cubicle. I wanted to note down his response so I asked “ Excuse me sir, do you have a pen ? To which he replied “ Do I really look like a guy with a PEN?” flashing his gold chain that was peeping out of top buttons of his shirt.

 I asked him how does he feel about working on Diwali, to which he waved someone from the other cubicle and said, “It’s wonderful! I prefer coming to work every day. There’s so much one can do during the working hours. I think even Sundays should be made working.” Saying this, he was lost in thoughts, smiling and saying to himself “ Me soo crazy”.

I moved further ahead to see what Sir “Suha Saha” has to say about this.

 “ Okay.. see..Isn’t it better ? Okay...Anyways we won’t be taking classes on Diwali okay,.... and then you are getting official holiday for next day..okay.. so it’s a Double Diwali Dhamaka, okay.. ! Enjoy..okay !!!” He Finished, using "okay" 98 times in total. He was later seen going out with Romas Sir, but was stopped by security guards at the gate for out passes.

I looked around the staff room to see who might share my sentiments and my eyes fell on Ms. Rashmy Jain. As soon as she saw me approaching towards her, she shouted “ I have marked you present for today, don’t worry.” I said “ No Ma’am, I just wanted to know how do you feel about today’s notice?”“I will give attendance to everyone tomorrow, No problem” She assured. Having said this, she smiled for 23 minutes and then resumed some submission work on her MacBook.

As I turned back, I bumped into “Shokeen Sir” who wished me Happy Diwali, at once. I asked him which seminar paper is he taking this year so that I can decide accordingly for my choice, to which he suggested” just sign where everyone else is signing, that’s my paper only. Also there is a lot of Diwali season sale these days. Keep an eye, It will be beneficial.” I thanked him several times and wished him Happy Diwali thrice.

Then I entered Mannu sir’s office who cracked this joke for 28^th time “ See.. on Choti diwali, I took a choti class, so on Badi Diwali I will take a Badi class” He he haha ha hue hue hue hu ha ha!...”And listen, I have invited some Alumni from Jodhpur who are coming home for Diwali, for a small Alumni meet. Please ask Ikron to make a video about it and you also help. Thanks”

As I was coming out, I saw the warden with a pile of show cause notices in his hand. I asked his reaction about today’s notice to which he replied ”yeh sab pharji kaam mat kiya karo. Ja ke padhai likhai karo, kya interview phinterview mein time waste karte ho?” As I was moving away he grabbed me by my trouser's pockets, suspecting crackers inside ” Patakha toh nahi phod raha hai na acad block mein”.

No sir. I was just.....

“Be careful! warna is baar Pharji Phine laga dunga!”

I ran away from there as fast as I could.

Later that night I saw P.A to VC coming out of office at midnight. I asked him “Sir, why so late ?” he said “ what do you mean late ? today is the full working day, not a half day holiday till 3 like on Diwali.” After a bit of informal chat he revealed that VC Ma’am gets her salary on daily basis so more the number of working days, better it is for madam and the administration.

A corrigendum mail followed the previous mail declaring tomorrow as holiday and day after as half day. All faculty members are wishing Happy Diwali on Batch IDs and Geetika J, was found upset by all these spamming on Batch ID's. Bee commented " I dont like this new notice. The font looks bad" 

Meanwhile Sanyam caterer guy was arguing with Registrar "Why is it that Joshi ji and his staff always gets holiday on Diwali while we have to serve food that night ?" A prasad ki thali came flying from Ganga mess and fell on his face.

                           Wishing a very happy and a safe Diwali to all my readers !!!!!!!!!!!

[ Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to faculty members or students is purely coincidental] 

After Party Ke Bhi After...

You can loosen your seat belts now as the beautiful journey on the Highway has reached its finishing point. One hell of a ride it was! We never slowed down, even when there were barriers ahead, we had VVIP passes, so dint even stop at the Toll Plazas, the drivers dint relax even for a second to take a nap or a Bidi break. We all wished that the long drive at NH-65 never ends. But one has to get down at their stop even if “Manjil Se Behatar Lagne Lage Yeh Raaste”

Best part was that it would’ve made our faculty members proud who could've never imagine students who always sneaked out after attendance in their classes, working so hard voluntarily without expecting any attendance or marks in return. Those students who snooze the alarm for 10 minutes at 9:00 in the morning for 8:30 class, were seen running around the campus to attend the contingents and providing them everything they need as early as five in the morning. 

Even the guards at the gates must be feeling pity about the people at the registration desk, who had to sit at one place from early morning till late evening providing answers to every query, even the ones like“breakfast mein beer milegi ?” or “Amity se sabse hot bandi kaun aayi hai?” Some requesting for  registration but refusing to produce College ID, while DJ played, “ Kehti to hai student hai but I doubt!”, in the mess arc.

After the action packed four days full of enthralling academic intellect, electrical cultural performances and crazy party every single night, I wont be surprised to see all the people involved in the fest  Dancing in the shower , Salman style with a towel held between their legs to“ Jeene ke the chaar din, Baki hain bekaar din.”

We had joy, we had fun, we lost and we won, and the party was on till we welcomed the sun.The after party this time, like always determined that the fest was a huge success. Party literally " chali thi till 6 in the morning." As Aptly described by the great philosopher YO YO honey Singh," Jab saari duniya so jati hai, after party ho jati hai, after party ke bhi after, jo chale yeh woh party hai"

All good things come to an End. We had very lovely and talented guests this time who not only made this fest a legendary success but also never complained about any inconvenience that might have occurred. Hope you had a great time here and wishing to see your participation in such big numbers and high spirits again.

I can totally imagine you saying to our contingent In-charges this morning  ” Jahan se tum mujhe laaye ho, mein wahan wapas jaana nahi chaahti,  jaha le ja rahe ho waha pahuchna nahi chahti.. Par ye rasta. ye bohot achha hai”

[Note: This is the edited version of final editorial for Highway Hues:The NH-65 Insider]

Harry Potter & The Prisoners of NLU

Harry had packed his trunk and was all set to go to Hogwarts.He reached the platform nine and three quarters with his trolley and ran into the pillar with his eyes closed.He opened his eyes.A scarlet steam engine was waiting next to a platform packed with people.This was not the Hogwarts express as he expected but the sign overhead said “ Mandore Express”.

Bewildered and confused he turned around and to his relief, saw Hagrid standing behind him. Dobby was hiding behind his huge legs.

“You are now an NLUite Harry  !” Said Hagrid in a pitiful voice.

I am a.... what !! Gasped Harry.

An NLUite Harry. After ‘You know Who’ s return, It is not safe for you to be anywhere near Hogwarts. As per Dumbledore’s orders you are to be sent to National Law University, Jodhpur. Dumbledore feels that it is the safest place for you as no one has even heard of “Jodhpur” even in the muggle world of its own country. Great man Dumbledore!

“But.....” before Harry could ask anything, Hagrid was gone.

Dobby looked at him with his large bulging eyes and said" Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts sir.Dobby has come to send him to NLU for Harry Potter's own safety, even if Dobby has to shut his ear in the oven door later". Then with a crack like a whip, Dobby Vanished too.

Harry boarded the train with grief and thought that if Dumbledore wants it, it must be for the greater good. He was after all, Dumbledore’s man through and through.

On his journey to the college Harry asked for a copy of Daily prophet from the newspaper vendor, who gave him disgusted look and handed over him a copy of Dainik Bhaskar instead. It was full of news regarding administration at NLU and Harry knew that his stay is not going to be less dangerous than in Hogwarts.

Harry reached the main gate of NLU in an auto and saw that the middle gate that led to the hostels was locked. Pulling out his wand and pointing towards the gate he shouted “ Alohomora”. He heard a loud BANG. The sound had not come from the door,but from under his own ear as the security guard had slapped him hard, yelling “ This gate opens only for the VC madam. Take the long route around”.

Harry reached the SRK halls of residence  and saw that some seniors from NS were gathered outside the hostel asking some frightened freshers to say five lines about rose.Harry pulled out his invisibility cloak to evade the ragging and tried to sneak out unnoticed but the door was crammed with loserly seniors who stood there as if watching a quidditch world cup. Harry stood there invisible waiting for a gap when a fresher started reciting his lines:

Sirs & ma'ams...Rose is red in colour..Sirs & ma'ams..Rose smells good..Sirs & ma'ams Rose has thorns also..Sirs and ma'ams” the frightened boy murmured.

A fatty then asked him to stop and replace the word “Rose” with “My Ass”

 The boy hesitated and then started reluctantly “Mmm Sirs and ma'ams..My ass is red in colour..Sirs & ma'ams my ass smells good.Sirs & ma'ams...my ass has thorns also..Sirs & Ma'ams”.Everyone roared with laughter and literally rolled on the floor laughing. Harry seized the opportunity and rushed inside the door pushing the seniors aside who were too amused to notice anything.

During his stay, he discovered that there were two type of students. Those who mooted, considered themselves superior and of pure blood while others without moot or job were considered filthy non mootbloods.The Administartion was trying hard to eliminate all the non mootbloods by means of demotion and debarment so that only the pure blood stays in campus.

Harry was expecting the exotic feast like the one in Hogwarts at the beginning of the term and went to mess thinking of  roast beef, lamb chops, sausages, bacon and puddings. His heart sank to see the Ganga and Sanyam caterer's menu that had every flavor beans except with mostly vomit and ear wax flavor.He approached the vegetarian mess Ganga, but as he went near Joshi Ji, his scar tickled and burned with pain. He retreated at once.

Harry  decided to just take a pack of lays and a coke from the non veg mess. He shouted out his order to atleast six people attending the Sanyam caterer’s counter but no one seemed to have heard or understood anything. He repeated his order thrice to an elderly man who hopefully made some movement but went inside and never returned.

 He shouted  Accio Lays.. Accio Coke and to his surprise none of them noticed or cared as the pack and a bottle came flying from the shelf into his hand. Without making the payment he left the counter murmuring” even Crabbe & Goyle are not that dim witted.”

Harry had brought his bottle of butter beer with him and went upstairs on the hostel’s roof to enjoy. As soon as he opened the bottle, he heard quick footsteps approaching towards him and  several figures emerging in the dark. The dark figure in the middle looked like Filtch and the one beside him wore a cap and his face resembled that of Mrs Norris. He stood up and tried to hide his bottle of butter beer but Mr Norris  had already seized it and was writing down his name and room number while Filtch was asking him to pay a fine of Rs 5000/- with a show cause notice in his hand.

Harry dint know what to do and said “Sorry bhaiya !”  Filtch lost his temper and started shouting” Bhaiya ?!! who is bhaiya here?!! I am a senior Phaculty here !! 100 Points from SRK and now your penality is 10,000/-

Harry later found out from other students that it was the Chief Warden and his assistant Richpal who like Filtch and Mrs Norris patrol the hostel corridors at late hours. More so when they run out of alcohol.

Harry dint have enough muggle money to pay the fine. He decided to plead mercy to the Vice chancellor for waiver of fine.With great difficulty he managed to get an appointment and as he entered her office he found The VC sitting in her chair surfing yatra.com. He guessed at once that she must’ve definitely flunked some students and now looking for flights to stay out of campus till debarred students have gone back home.

“Good afternoon” said Harry.

“Tch tch “, said VC ” That wont do. Now will it. I should like you please to say “ Good afternoon Professor Dr Vice Chancellor ma'am”. One more time, please.

“Good afternoon Professor Dr. Vice Chancellor ma'am “  Chanted Harry.

There now, she said sweetly. That was not too difficult, was it ?

Harry had guessed by now that it was a wrong decision to come here.It was Professor Umbridge all over again.Yet he was determined to say what he came for.

Professor  .. he said, I’ve come to..

She raised her hand to silence him and spoke with a broad smile” I know all about your case Harry. Your file is already in my office inside the vulnerable student’s folder for this sem's repeat result. I might allow to deduct your fine from the security deposit if you act as my spy to help me eliminate all the non mootbloods from this institution.Also give me names of all the students who drink butter beer in the hostels and give in writing that you will never indulge in such activity again.

Harry raised his fist in fury and showed her the inscription at the back of his right hand that read“ I must not tell lies” and stormed out of the office. 


He heard the VC standing behind him, arms stretched like that of Gandolf, screaming " You Shall Not Pass... this semester"

Harry wanted to go outside the campus to get some fresh air. As he was storming out of the main gate, he was stopped by guards who asked him to give something called “ Out pass”.

Harry had no clue about the use of an out pass.

 He went to  an elderly security supervisor, Arjun Singh, who brushed his moustache and said “ you can not Apparate and Disapparate inside NLU campus without an out pass. He then came closer to harry and murmured mysteriously” there are seven of them for this month and you have to procure it from the chief warden who holds it close to his heart.It is dearer to him more than his life." He then broke into trance and said in a frightening voice " Students have been held captive in the campus for months. Only you can save them.Go Harry, Find all the out passes and destroy it forever".

Getting the seven out passes from the same chief warden seemed a more difficult task than finding the seven horcruxes. Harry, determined to save the prisoners of NLU started investigating at once. He pulled out the Marauder's map  to look for the secret way out but even the ATM route was guarded. 

His eyes fell upon other movements in the map.A black dot labelled OP kept jumping up and down.Similar was the dot labelled RPD. Another dot labelled AKS had a very distinct movement. He goes to the washroom everyday at exact same time and after spending exactly 3 minutes, comes out. Harry wondered whether he was the heir of Slytherin and trying to open the Chamber of Advocates with this ritual movement from some secret passage in the bathroom.

But the most mysterious movement came from the dot that read Joshi Ji. He will go to Registrar's office everyday and come out secretly. Then he will go to Sanyam caterer's kitchen and sneak out secretly.This suspicious movement made him curious and he decided to follow him. Ever since his scar has pained, he doubted that there was something Odd with Joshi Ji.

Next day he pulled out his invisibility cloak again and followed Joshi Ji. As he entered the Registrar's office, Registrar greeted him like his equal , ordered for tea & poha and promised to renew his tender for next five years. Joshi also made him buy a coupon diary for 500/-. Harry knew at once that Registar is under the Imperious curse and Joshi was using it to get his job secured since the begining of this college. He then followed Joshi to the Sanyam Catere's kitchen and saw that Joshi pulled out his wand and pointing towards all the employees  shouted " Confundus". Now harry knew the reason why they were all so confused and stupid. Joshi has been using the confundus charm to reduce the efficiency of his competitor caterer. 

Harry removed his cloak and before Joshi could strike him he cried " Expelliarmus" and Joshi's wand came flying into harry's hand. Harry then used "Levicorpus"and Joshi Ji hung in mid air upside down. Harry was disgusted to see his Rupa Boxers and an old bronze chain that had " Sanju" inscribed on it.

He demanded Joshi Ji to confess his evil plan or he will use the cruciatus curse. Joshi begged for mercy and pulled out a silvery stream, neither liquid nor gas from his brain. Harry couldnt find a pensive to pour it in so he took a bowl of Joshi Ji's paneer masala that has so much oil in it that it was fit for the purpose. He dived into the oil  as he heard faint voices of Joshi that cried " 32/- ka paneer tha ...

Harry's feet landed in registrar's office. It looked like several years ago.A young Joshi was sitting in then registrar Ratan Nura's office and was convincing him to give him the contract for non-veg mess too.

" But Dileep's menu is good", said the registrar patting Joshi's back.

"I have already asked Madansa to plant dead rats and lizards in DMD mess.Aseri will be conducting a raid anytime soon. Dileep wont be here for long" said Joshi.

I am afraid, I can not give you the non veg mess. More so, after you were found entering hostels and catching pigeons. I know what you are up to Joshi.

" But I can not survive on vegetarian mess alone. All students go out to eat and no one touches my food. They would rather have maggi at Hans but not my food"

"I can not help it" said registrar still trying to rub his shoulders.

"You can" Suggested Joshi. "There is a way! If you could restrict the students from going out of campus, they will be forced to eat my food.

Very well then, I will direct the chief warden to issue out passes as miserly as he could.

 The memory got blurred and faded away and Harry was back into the kitchen but Joshi had disapparated from there by then.

Now, Evrything was clear to Harry. Just like Voldemort Jinxed the Defense Against The Dark art's post after he was refused the same, Joshi ji has Jinxed the non-veg Mess after he was refused the job and that is the reason why there has not been a single caterer who continued for more than a year in that mess.DMD, Shubham, Anita and now Sanyam....all the caterer's have been the victim of Joshi's Jinx who alone stayed till the last while others came and went. And Joshi was the brain behind the out pass system that kept the students captive inside campus.

Harry resolved to find and destroy all the out passes and set free the prisoners of NLU. He knew that Joshi must've gone to the registrar again.He ran towards the office and as he entered the Admin Block, his eyes fell on the notice board's Education Decree Number 420 that read " The Vice Chancellor is pleased to announce that the following students have been expelled from the university on disciplinary grounds.They are ordered to leave the university campus with immediate effect. And as per the University's policy there shall be no appeal or consideration in this matter.That apart, entering the Vice Chancellor's office is also prohibited." He scrolled down to see the names and there it was. Harry Potter.

Harry forgot everything about freeing the prisoners and tried his best to save his own ass but nothing happened.He tried all the magic he knew and did everything possible in his capacity to get a fair hearing, even requested for a trial by Combat but nothing worked.

  He was last heard to have been sighted in the mental ward of St Mungo's Hospital for magical maladies and injuries. Joshi Ji and VC had won yet again. Harry was THE CHOSEN ONE in the list of debarred, expelled and demoted students and like all others he too was THE BOY WHO COULD NOT LIVE in NLU.


                                                                        ~ THE END ~