A song of Ice and Soda ! "Acche Din are coming"

                                                Season 1 . Episode 1 (Prologue)

"Nuke them all !!!" said the Mad king Kim John Targaryen

Last time when a king said "Gas them all", he did not go very well in the history books. Mad king knew this. So he had already killed all the ravens going out of his kingdom.

After the death of Adolf Targaryen, the elder mad king, everyone thought that Fascism has come to an end. 

But it was again becoming a rage in 2017.

Dragons which were presumed dead for decades were rising and the rebels at the Tienanmen square were given the option to "Bend the Knee or Die". Dragons have been approaching fast since then and within a short span of time they had an army of tinysullied, fleet of ships and many alliances. They have been encroaching upon their Neighbor's territories.

After facing defeat in the battle of Black Pearl Harbour, Japstaniss were attacked by wildfire which led to unprecedented loss. The seven Kingdoms had never seen such a disaster that affected generations after generations. 

This incident projected the United States of Westeros as the leader of the Seven Continents and the current occupant of the Throne is Donald Lannister (Sigil: A cat being grabbed by someone). Everyone knew that he was not the rightful heir ( more so because of the color of his hair) but no one dared say anything. He had grabbed the throne owing to his unholy alliance with Putin Lannister, whose sigil was a bear drinking vodka ale"

Despite repeated reports and evidences from The Wall of Antartica, he ignored the warnings of Global Warming and dangers that lie beyond the wall. "Fantasies and fictions" he called it and says that these are the stories planted by "Dumb Cunts". He however stressed on constructing more walls to keep wildlings out of the realm.

Towards the south was an ancient House of Bharatheons. Their sigil was "A Cow sitting beside an ATM covered with Dung" and motto was "Ache Din are coming". 

Sigil of House Bharatheons

It's people respected each other and addressed women as "hey deer, sho bob and vagene" as a mark of respect. They were proud of their rich heritage and culture and to protect the same they had elected High Sparrow to rule over the Kingdom with his holy army of Rastriya Seven Septon. They made sure that women are duly covered and residents do not consume anything other than rabbit. 

In that kingdom lived a three eyed republic raven who wanted to know everything. He knew about the real dangers that the realm was facing but only talked about random issues and acted weirdly. 

-------------------------------------TO BE CONTINUED------------------------------------------------

Regi Leaks : Quid Bro Quo

"On 15th April, 12:15 my dad called me and gave me the unfortunate news. I had to leave in a few hours and in the terrible state of mind, I asked two of my friends to talk to the administration. The Registrar said that he will get some deemed through a legal channel and that I can leave...

April 27th on the Thervi of my mother, the news of me getting debarred came out. Me and my dad left on the same day and reached college the very next day., The registrar was an [****] to my dad. He changed his stance and said that he always meant 66% and above. He didn't even once mention 66% while I was leaving.

They kept stalling me. I went to them everyday and they kept saying that they are trying to find a way. Nothing positive.

One of the faculty members, when the debarred list came out, told my batch mates that she will show the attendance register and I can see if I can apply the deemed. Then the next day she said that she will only show it to me. Then the next day, when I too reached there, she said that she needs to ask the registrar to show me the register.[ Wow it rhymes: registrar trapped in the register] And that really never happened."

Given above is a real life account of one of my favorite juniors who is one the thousands of victim of absolutely arbitrary attendance rule of National law University in particular and many other premier Institutions in general.

We have seen people bunking classes all year yet excelling in all spheres of academics and extra curricular activities. We have witnessed people having 100 % class room attendance with earphones plugged into their ears, reaching new high scores in subway surfer, and reading a copy of Freakonomics in economics class and finding hard to sail through semester or with equal ease as the case may be.

Although today any information is just a click away, role of class room teaching can not be undermined, more so when we have the fortune of getting taught by one of the finest faculty members in India and abroad. However we need to press the pause button here and introspect for a while, whether following the letter of law is important or the intent of the black letter.

Press the Pause button of your life and watch this

If a student meets with a fatal accident and yet coming to attend classes on wheel chair to satisfy the quota of 70 % [ True story of one of my dear friend] or is coping with a situation as severe as death of a loved one [ as cited above] or is busy organizing a college fest or  an international moot and toiling his sweat and blood to save the reputation of college [ who got debarred and yet bagged a 7 figure job at Trilegal, which is one of the most sought after firm] or dealing with any situation of life whatsoever, Isn't it high time that college administration has to rise beyond what is printed in Bar council rules and exercise it's discretion for such cases for the betterment of not only those who deserve better than this treatment but for the overall development of the college itself ?

When all of us, including faculty members know that this is prima facie wrong then why don't we do something about it ? It's one of the most premier law school of the country for Christ's sake ! If we won't fight for our own justice inside the campus, what are we going to do outside the boundaries of NLU except adding zeros to our bank accounts.

It's not that we have not tried protesting against all this in the past but fear of debarment and academic loss has held us back and made us fearful. We forgot the teachings of Vivekananda that "Strength is life and weakness is death."We don't even need to go back to vedas to get motivation for doing what is obviously right. Just open a can a mountain dew kyunki " Darr ke aage jeet jeet hai".
 [Aur uske aage Sushreet hai]*{*Srk top floor private joke}

If Kanhaiya Kumar, a simple Phd Student can Challenge Namo, If Bhagat Singh can make himself immortal at the young age of 23 to inspire generations why can't we come together to change this draconian rule of our own college which is managed mostly by students alone.

We stand by the college whenever it's reputation is in peril. But we expect the same when college itself screws us over. As Barnie Stintson would say " There has to be Quid Bro Quo"

It is the duty of the final year students, more so who are placed and NLU is basking in the glory of their success to act as as eye opener ( like we open our cans) and start discussing these issues at serious level because it directly affects every individual and their families associated with NLU.

As Karl Marx would say " Students of NLU Unite because you have nothing to lose except your attendance"

And Gandhi will softly add " They will have my debarment letter but not my consent !"

Let no other student lose a year and face the humiliation that one has to suffer due to some act of God. let the talent bloom and not rot in darkness of shame.  Let there be light even underneath the lamp.

We keep talking but do nothing. To conclude I would like to quote a great philosopher Mr. Aravinda Vishwnath who says these simple words " It's all cool, in here, NGS "

Anal you Ka Dhoom Dhadaka..Hu Ha Hu Ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- 

Not a VC Leak: NLU row

My Alma mater, NLU Jodhpur has been in news for the "past couple of days" not for its achievements in prestigious moots or academic excellence of its students, which more often than not is the case, but for a little miscommunication between the staff members and administration which is being hyped so much that even Kanhaiya Kumar would be surprised about how words can be so open to interpretation.

I reacted like any other student when I first read the news that :-

"NLU Jodhpur Asks Faculty to Contribute Rs. 500 to VC’s Son’s Wedding"

My first reaction was Disbelief. 

Followed by Anger that state machinery is being used for personal affairs.

Then I read some comments of students from NLU and other law schools  who seemed to be having just one emotion - Pleasure. Except few responsible ones.

Then I discovered the whole story and how it is being projected in media.

Before any more negative publicity and mud slinging, let us take a deep breath and try to find out what actually happened and who is to blame. More importantly let us appreciate how jobless we are, including myself.

First of all, The Hindu's report says “The circular was issued by the Faculty Secretary [Rosmy Jain]" and I can totally imagine Rosmy Mam's reaction to this - " It's not Rosmy Jain!!! It's Rosmy JOAN". Lol ! She hated it every time we misspelled her name in our project submissions but I don't think she will sue Kasturi and Sons Ltd. for publishing it this time. I pity those who don't know Rosmy Ma'am personally. She is the sweetest living soul one can come across in life. Too sweet to even say NO.

From what I have gathered after talking to my friends in NLU and deducing from newspaper reports, she apparently suggested the registrar that faculty members willingly and voluntarily wish to contribute to the wedding. She did however commit a mistake of allegedly using the "letter head" to spread this suggestion and request for contribution as it was a convenient mode to reach everyone. Little did she know that this internal arrangement among faculty members will be projected as a war crime in media.

To give you an idea of how effective such circulars are, let me confess that we used to get "official notice" by order registrar for compulsorily attending the conferences every other day especially on Sundays when some dignitaries or the other visited our campus and trust me only Mess wale bhaiya Ji used to attend it. You can imagine the Non-coercive nature of this informal request which is being projected in media as Fatwa.

We ourselves have collected funds from students to organize mini farewells etc for our beloved professors from time to time and I am sure such minuscule informal collections is an acceptable way to show good gesture towards someone in every organisation.

Moreover how ridiculously funny it is that Vice chancellor of such a stature and Administration of one of the most premier Institute in the country would expect its 50 odd faculty members to contribute Rs 500 for a wedding. Trust me that the 25K thus received wouldn't do any good or harm to anybody's well being who is associated with NLU.

I agree that whole controversy could've been avoided had it not been a "circular" but a request proposal on an A4 sheet circulated to all faculty members. let us accept the human error of attempting to do the same conveniently and professionally out of over enthusiasm but also let us stop making it such a big deal and stop portraying it in such a cheap manner to get cheap thrills.

I myself have been a huge critic of NLU administration in general and VC ma'am in particular but only in a lighter vein to highlight the student issues which exist in every college campus of the world. Any law student would know that Prof. Poonam Pradhan Saxena is one of the most respected authority on TOPA and Family laws. Millions have read her books and few lucky ones like me were fortunate enough to attend some of her lectures. Also whole legal fraternity is indebted to the contributions of Prof I.P Massey and it will be an insult to the intelligentsia to associate such legendary names with such trivial things. There's no denying the fact that VC was out of campus busy with her son's wedding when the "circular" was issued and we can safely assume that she had no knowledge of such a voluntary contribution from faculty members out of pure affection.

Those who are in Jodhpur would know that local journalists, for some reason, are very vindictive towards NLU. I respect responsible journalism but I am using the word " vindictive" due to the their deliberate use of derogatory language and over hyping some trivial issues including NLU's party culture. Some how they got the information of this "circular" and it was presented in a way that it doesn't deserve.

With great power comes great responsibility. It is unfortunate to see mainstream media like Indian Express, The Hindu and all the major law student portals carrying it in a fashion that doesn't show it in a good light and definitely not what NLU deserves.

Since this false and trivial news is being hyped during peak CLAT season; Not only do I smell politics but  I also feel bad about ignorant CLAT aspirants who would see such things on mainstream and social media and will form opinion that is far different from the awesome reality of the Sweet Dream Land i.e National Law University, Jodhpur. 

I am the last person who would defend something which is wrong with administration. But I am also the last person who would sit back to see the truth being "twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools." Also it is the responsibility of the present batches studying in NLU to understand that our personal grudges with the administration, if any, should not be vented out by promoting false propaganda and we should strive to bring the true picture in front of everyone. It's not even about defending your college or its reputation but it's about Responsible Journalism, Truth, Defeating the vindictive forces and Discouraging false public perception.

I really feel sad that VC ma'am had to deal with all this non sense at a time when her son is getting married. Faculty members who wanted to make the occasion special by gifting her something for the wedding are shocked and scandalized by how NLU family matters are being portrayed in public. Let us grow up and support them instead of spreading gossips and rumors and let us stop making a complete fool of ourselves in front of everyone for no reason at all.

Memorial on Behalf of the Petitioners

                                     In the Honorable Supreme Court of love

At Friendzoneland

 Writ Petition No. 69 of 2016

Under Article 32 of the Constitution of India read with Order VII, Rule 2 of the Supreme Court Rules, Love story 1947

In The Matter of:

prem & Ors……………………………………………..........................................Boyfriends

Versus

priya & Ors……………………………………………………………..........................Girlfriends

                       

-          Memorial on Behalf of  Boyfriends 

Index of Authorities

Cases

 Pinkiben w/o Harikesh Bharat Lal Soni V. State of Gujarat R/CR.MA/17920/2014

Reports

Peoples Union for Boyfriend's Liberty( PUBL), 4th Report on Gender Equality, 2010.

Books

 James E L, Fifty Shades of Grey, 2011

Bhagat Chetan, Half Girlfriend, Roopa & Co. 2014

Kalia Tanuj, Law As a Career, LexisNexis, 1st Edition, 2015

Vatsyana, Kamasutra, 400 BCE

Websites

http://manupatra.com/

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

http://www.lawctopus.com

Statement of Facts

·         Prem Kumar, a bright student of a prestigious law school in India has been spending most of his campus time with his attractive batch mate Priya for about three semesters now. He has been planning for weeks to ask her out officially on this Valentine day.

·         It is of importance to note that he has been helping her out with projects, moots and assignments in the hope of spending more quality time with her and Priya used to thank him with kissing smiley, heart shaped emoticons, xoxo and other affectionate smiley’s available on several social networking sites and apps.

·         On the evening of 7^th Feb, 2016, when Prem approached Priya with a red rose, she appreciated the gesture and thanked him for that. Similar incidents occurred on chocolate day and teddy day i.e 9^th Feb, 2016 and 10^th Feb, 2016 respectively. Details of the expenses accrued have been attached with the petition as Annexure- A.

·         The cause of action however arose on the eve of Valentine day when Priya was chatting with Prem on whatsapp and cribbing about how she has no one special in her life. Grabbing the right opportunity, Prem asked if she would be his Valentine.

·         She replied and I quote” Lol ! You are such a sweet guy. Thank you :*”. On being asked if that means ‘Yes’ she replied “ ROFL, You are so funny”.

·         When Prem had enough of this he confronted her directly and discovered that she likes him but only “As a friend” and that she hopes someday she finds a nice guy like him.

                                    Hence the matter is before this Honorable Court

Issues for Consideration

1) Whether such atrocities on ‘Nice Guys’ be allowed to continue while they suffer in silence, struggling to come out of the friend zone ?

2) Whether the prevailing practice that boys alone should buy gifts without expecting anything in return is a violation of Article 14 and 19(1)(a) of the Constitution of India.

                                                            Arguments Advanced

1)      Whether such atrocities on ‘Nice Guys’ be allowed to continue while they suffer in silence, trying to come of the friend zone?

The expansive meaning given to the word ‘Nice Guy’ as per Urban Dictionary states that “A young male who will give up countless hours of his time listening to the problems of his very attractive female friends because they need someone to talk to about their apathetic, Baywatch jock of a boyfriend because no one else will listen or genuinely care. Although always surrounded by beautiful girls the nice guy can’t get a girlfriend or even facilitate the alleviation of certain “drives” because his “ordinary” physical appearance will forever be compared to the Baywatch beach bum’s…"

In the light of the above definition, it is argued that this is the most misused tool in the hands of the opposite gender as they make it explicit that they want a nice guy to date but when guys act like nice guys to impress them they leave them hanging and go after a jerk.

Similarly, the word ‘Friendzone’ as described by the Urban dictionary reads “ What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you're attracted to. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another”

Therefore it is argued that there’s an urgent need to review the broken dating system in the country and revamp the dating rules by giving incentives to guys for being “nice” and setting them free from ‘Friendzone cell’, allowing them to experience love in its true sense.

Arguendo

Where the un-amended definition of friend zone is ambiguous and has been interpreted by the court not exhaustively but tentatively, the definition of friend zone must at least be interpreted to accommodate “Friends with benefits”.

2)      Whether the expectation that boys alone should buy gifts without expecting anything in return is a violation of Article 14 and 19(1)(a) of the Constitution of India?

Article 14 of the Constitution states that the state shall not deny to any person equality before the law irrespective of religion, race, caste, sex or place of birth.

However discrimination on the basis of sex can easily be seen when it comes to paying restaurant bills or buying gifts. While boys try to get the most exotic of chocolates, largest of teddy and reddest of roses for their prospective Valentines, they have to compromise on hug and kiss day. The apex court in a series of judgments has made it clear that hugging the teddy and kissing the roses doesn’t count.

Article 19(1)(a) secures to every citizen the freedom of speech and expression. However every time a ‘nice guy’ tries to express his true feelings, unreasonable restrictions are imposed on the same.

Gujarat High Court recently in Pinkiben w/o Harikesh Bharat Lal Soni V. State of Gujarat, has observed that the greatest mistake a couple makes in their relationship is that they listen half, understand quarter, think zero and react double.

Therefore it is important for the ‘girl friends’ to listen carefully what the ‘nice guys’ are trying to say before branding them as ‘Despo’ and ‘Chep’.

Considering the abovementioned factors and the fact situation in hand, when the petitioner had already went so far as to spend so much on gifts throughout the valentine week without any objection from the other party, by no stretch of imagination can the friendzoning by the respondent be justified.

Prayer for Relief

Wherefore in the light of facts stated, relationship issues raised, logical arguments advanced and relevant authorities cited, it is most humbly and respectfully prayed before this Honourable Court,  that it may be pleased to,

1) Issue the writ of Mandamus to direct the government to notify that discrimination on the basis of sex will not be tolerated in any relationship and the present criteria of friend zoning should not continue to be the law of the land.

2) Order appropriate compensation based on the expenses accrued on gifts along with psychological and physical damage.

And Grant any other order in favour of the Petitioners as the Honourable Court may deem fit in the interest of love, affection and romance.

All of which is most humbly and respectfully submitted.

Date: 14^th Feb, 2016                                                                                   NGS

Place: Friendzoneland                                                                       Counsel for the Petitioner

---

[Note: This is my Post for Valentine Special Blogging competition at  Lawctopus ]

Kaun ? Woh ?? Cation!

The time is here, to revisit the college memories, roam around the NLU road and Hostel corridors which we once thought is the end of the world.

Although there is nothing to be sentimental about as it’s hardly been six months since we left the campus, yet there is a kind of closure to this visit. Probably a closing chapter of half a decade of our life when we don't need out passes anymore.

While there is hardly any excitement about getting the degree as even Ikron’s dog would’ve procured a graduation degree from here while being on a destination wedding all semesters. In fact most of us hope they don’t mention all the marks in the final mark sheet. It is the reunion of all including those we never buzzed all these months that excites us.

While it is an opportunity for those already earning to show off their savings, it also an opportunity for those still figuring out life to get together and critise everyone pretending to be having a great life. For others, prime motivation is to safely get the security deposit in time.

Time to rekindle the contacts & connections and fake stories about why they never got time to buzz each other. Blaming others for being too busy to undermine their own indifference. Time to discover the interesting development in people’s life ( Some people call it Gossip).

My special abuses for those who are dying to crib about their life after 7 figure package. I am waiting to slap the next friend who  gets drunk and says “ Yaar corporate life bhi koi life hai, kutton ki tarah kaam karo aur bas weeked pe daaru piyo. Tum kitne lucky ho yaar, enjoying the life”. I would snatch the bottle away from his hand, rob all his money and send him straight to Rajinder place and lock him in a room for one complete year.

I would like to introduce such people as Bill!
While most people would kill to have a Tier I law firm job.

 Not Bill.

He prefers ranting about it to get sympathy for his near perfect life from people with no future plan whatsoever.

Don't be an asshole like Bill !

My special respect for those who are bringing their parents to witness this landmark moment of their life while I am still struggling to convince my parents why did I go to Jodhpur at first place when Gorakhpur University was right here.

 Also I dint want them to know that there exists a concept of medals for meritorious students in my college.

Also I preferred some Non Adarsh Balak time in college.

My special sympathy for those worrying about accommodation and planning to crash into some junior’s room to save on stay and use that money to buy them drinks instead and for those who are trying to avoid some juniors as they can no longer postpone the long promised treat.

My indifferent look to those who turned activist after college and are objecting to the British-era convocation gowns and square caps that symbolises 'slavery' and 'colonialism. I am just waiting to throw the square Cap high in the sky and Chill.

My disgusting and pitiful look for those who are hopeful  that they can impress someone from fresh batch in one night as fresher don’t know much about  what a big Ch** you have been all five years.

Missed the Sankranti by one day , so I am waiting to hear all the cribbing and inter batch conflicts regarding the same.

My train is in 4 hours so I should probably post this obligatory blog post and start packing up. Nothing funny is happening anyways. Hoping to find something  interesting after I reach NLU. (By NLU I mean Tonight’s Mandore)

See Ya !

One For the NLU.One last ride

I do realize that most posts in this blog have revolved around NLU and I wont be able to continue this anymore as my law school life has reached its dead end. Now that farewell mails have started coming, It began to sink that everything is for last time. Last project, last viva, last class, last visit to Hans, last late night bakchodi with friends at SRK 410 and last days of comfort zone. So when people ask me to write a post one last time I see Vin Diesel in them and just smile like Paul walker for One last ride.

 This month almost everyone who has met me, had asked me these  questions at least once:

1) NGS, next blog kab aa raha hai ? One last time
2) Party kab de raha hai ?
3) Itna C****a hua kyun lag raha ?
4) Delivery kab hai ?

To satisfy the first query, I want to thank  each and every reader of mine for giving me so much love and affection. Everyone who doesn't even know me personally, but has appreciated my stupid posts, talked about it or admired it, It means a lot. If I had a time machine to go back in past and set things right and restart my life, I might not use it coz everything I gained in terms of you people will be lost.

 For second query, I must say SRK people have a long history of missing deadlines and are  too lazy to do anything that requires planning. But Lannisters Always pays their debts.

Third is not in my control man. Getting out of cocoon after half the decade is a mixed feeling. God knows what's in store outside when we won't require outpasses anymore.

For forth one. F*** U man ! I tried dieting, 7 minute workout, even downloaded NIKE App for Running, but one can of beer has 154 calories. Can u blame ME for that ?!!

These queries are easy to handle. But it hurts a little like when people like Rohit Bhaiya asked in RK mess, " Job Kahan Lagi Aapki ".
"Pehle ek masala maggi bana dijiye, bohot der se khada hun" I said
"Aapke paas vacancy hai kya ? Can I apply ? In campus placement ho jayegi finally" I wanted to say.

After the record breaking placements by our junior batch, Campus looks like that of NLS, while we are Exchange students from CNLU visiting it temporarily. Do one thing tonight, Just stand in the middle of mess arc, and look at all the faces around. Every third face will reek of employment. Wonder why are not 5th years allowed to sit for Day Zero. Jab Jawan ladka Ghar mein baitha ho to chote bhaiyon ki shadi kaise pehle kara sakte hain. These little Mofos @#$%&*

Jokes apart, many congratulations for raising the standard of NLU. U guys are just brilliant and I am sure your juniors will learn and raise the bar higher so that we could bask in the glory of NLU Tag and I can tell my Son in future that " I got into one of the finest law School of this country, but never ran after job like fools. U too get into something similar my son. Now go and complete your homework" " **Picks up bank account and tissue paper and starts sobbing as soon as son leaves the room**

I do feel strongly about the rights of teetotalers in NLU. They are the most genuine people in here but our way of celebration is very unfair to them. I want to put on a batman mask and ask everyone during orientation before joining NLU, " Tell me, Do you drink?"........ and then give the Superman reply " U will".  If they have turned up for any party, that means they genuinely obliged you and you should thank them for this.

I feel happy and sad at the same time when I see people deciding what to wear for Farewell or what to speak in farewell speech.Whole Atmosphere is bidding Good Bye. If you will look above in the sky surrounding campus you can see stars forming letters " Bye Bye NLU" with a "YS Images" watermark in one corner. Most of us are quite excited about farewell as this might probably the last time in our lives to feel special. Some have taken the slave thing so seriously that they are practicing Fifty Shades of Grey's tasks.

So many things coming to an end altogether.

Na VC ka darr, Na attendance ki Fikar
Na AKS ki deadline, Na RPD ki punchline
Na Shastri ka platform, Na CRE ki Uniform
Na Asha Bhandari, Na college ki Yaari
Na Manisha Mam's smile, Na OP ka style
Na Shovik ka aaram, Na show cause ka farmaan
Na Manoj Ka taxation, Na Parveen ki tension
Na Rosmy ka sweet nature, Na humara dark future
Na Chitra ki Kranti, Na Messi ki Shanti
All that's left is Farewell And Conti
( Sorry, Kuch Ban nahi raha :P)

Will Miss everything about this college. I want to thank everyone From VC ( for not filing case against me u/s 66A) to the Guards who allowed me to go out without outpass every single day.

Writing farewell Msges for everyone  is not possible but I will try my best to convey  my good bye, if you have smiled back at me at least once in all these years. For those I can't, I want to thank here for all the love, support, criticism and appreciation. Thank you soo much. Will Miss U all.

SWINE FLU KA DHOOM DHADAKA HU HA HU HA !

As the first case of H1N1 virus was reported positive in NLU, panic struck masked students were seen running around as if someone has planted a bomb in Campus. As soon as the authorities declared holiday for two weeks, campus was buzzing with news channels like ABP News, AAJ Tak , Headlines Today and Sumit Kumar Ganguly. The VC had decided to address the media in a press conference so I couldn’t resist sliding in and seeing what’s happening.

I was struggling my way into the conference hall but everyone was pushing me around. It was only when an ABP reporter stepped back and allowed me to come forward. I thanked him surprisingly, to which he replied” This is ABP News. AAP ko rakhe aage.”

 VC was sitting in the centre with all the prominent faculty members (And Shastri ji). The conference started:

Reporter1: Maa’m we have been hearing complains since past few weeks.Why was no action taken before?

VC: The moment I received complaints, ‘I was pleased’ to order my PA to call medical experts for a lecture in this topic and also asked him to arrange to quarantine this place. He could not understand my directions properly and called Quentin Tarrantino for lecture. I discovered it only a week later when he informed me that Quentin could not be reached and he has called Anurag Kashyap instead. I transferred my PA immediately using appropriate sections of Transfer of property Act. Now notices have been put up in mess area and HOR’s describing the meaning of the word ‘Quarantine’ for those who are demanding it without knowing what it means.

Reporter 2 : What actions have been taken to restrict the movement of persons in the campus ?

Chief warden stood up to answer this query but no one noticed him. It was only when he shouted out loud “ Ae Pharjee reporter!”, all cameras turned towards him. He said” We have been very far sighted about this and we have restricted the movement of people inside campus by out pass system ever since college was established. From now on, every time our students have to get their out pass signed by a swine flu expert also in addition to regular warden and chief warden.

Reporter 3: Is it a wise move to declare a sudden vacation for such a long period ?

Registrar, who was sitting in the public area, got up and faced the reporters” It was a tough call for an institute which never declared holidays even for gazetted holidays like Gandhi Jayanti. Rumours had it that a statue of Nathu Ram Godse was being installed in the green shed near acad block. For keeping the college open on occasions like Raksha Bandhan, Janm Asthami, Durga pooja, and celebrating events like valentine day, we were being branded anti-Hindutava by the new government. So we needed to send a strong message and compensate for all the vacations that have been taken away from our students to stay in good books of the government.

                             

Reporter 4: What about the placement Schedule that might get affected ?

Placement Kumar Sir, stood up this time to explain: "Yesh yesh. We had invited some law Firms and PSU’s for recruitment in this phase but they are very co-operative. They have agreed to shift the dates and meanwhile asked the students to re-submit their applications in Word Format, Excel Format, powerpoint format, PDF, paint, photoshop and also in ink and send scanned copies of the same to keep them engaged during this time. Anyways they have no vacancies now” He grinned.

Reporter 4:But how will students get reservations to go back home on such a short notice.

Placement Kumar Sir: I have an inside information that service tax and excise will be increased in this budget. So in my opinion it is better to avail the airline services before it is too expensive to afford. Anyways most students were already planning a Goa trip this semester so we are just facilitating their plan.

Reporters then turned towards students and asked what measures have been taken by the administration to help the infected and suspected cases.

Ganguly jumped in to answer but mike was snatched by a group of angry students who were suffering from normal cold.” it is a terrible situation here. Anyone who sneezes in the vicinity is looked down upon and is being treated as if he is not an NLUite anymore but Amity law Student. Ever since I caught simple cold, people are avoiding me like a Paid SDL Party. Every one has advice for us and it looks more like AIIMS than NLU. Even the dumbest of student is flaunting his knowledge on swine flu and talking in terms of N95 and oseltamivir phosphate, giving most of us an inferiority complex.

After this, many students and reporters started shouting and there was a complete chaos in the room till Shastri Ji stepped out, stood in the middle and closed his eyes. The room fell silent. Then he shook his head several times and spoke” If I may take the platform for 45 seconds, I am deeply desirous of giving you the precious advice that your voluminous queries could be satisfied only if you take your respective platforms in a prescribed manner.” Everyone stared at him with a look of absolute shock and confusion. He inserted his hands inside the collar of his Kurta and pulled out a pen drive that was tied around his neck and balanced it on his palms.”This memory device resting in my palms has all the answers that you seek as it has research papers on pre-conception and Pre-natal diagnostic technique Act, which according to me answers all queries arising in human mind in this world.” He stopped for a moment, checked his watch and continued ”As promised, my 45 seconds are over and I beg your leave as I have to procure my sitting arrangement in Mandore express at Platform one. Thank you.” He bowed and waited for applause, but when no one clapped he hurriedly left the room.

Students left to book Tatkal and flight tickets, shouting " Swine Flu Ka Dhoom Dhadaka Hu Ha Hu Ha!