Resolution 2014

As per my new year resolution 2004, drafted under the influence of adrenalin rush after reading Shiv Khera's "Jeet Aap Ki", I am an alumni of IIT-K, presently in IIM-A, and all set to settle abroad. Today when I sit to pen down my Resolution 2014 I see myself sitting jobless for more than a month now, surfing FB, and clicking at picture of Shiv Khera that reads Aap Chutiye Hain.

  This was bound to happen as at the end of every year I take life's most important decisions, and design the master plan of my life , either under the shower or while taking a dump. So I'm not surprised that it all went down the flush. Anyways, jab ghar mein pada ho Sona..phir kahe ka rona Zzzzzz....

Although Shiv Khera taught me that Losers don’t make different mistakes, they repeat the same mistakes differently, It is hard to resist the temptation of making a new year resolution one more time. However old you might be, you give yourself one more chance. Wanna know my resolution ? ( Don’t worry, I wont crack the 1920 x 1080 HD resolution joke)

 It is said that it is never too late for anything. But mine is ICU case. Now when I pray to God, even God acts like a filmy doctor and says “ Agar aap 2-3 saal pehle yahan aaye hote to shayad aapki Zindagi hum bacha sakte the. I am sorry ”

One more year comes to an end and I am still pondering over questions like " Why do men have nipples" Aur Agar Bob Marley to hum kyon na maar lein ?? Now when my Dad shows concern about my future and asks “ Ab toh college over hone wala hai, NOW DECIDE. KI KYA KARNA HAI ” Instataneously Blue eyes lyrics starts playing in my crazy head to complete his line…

“Tujhko to zara sa bhi darr na hai.

Champagne ger di tune meri pant pe,

kehti hai change kar lo hotel leke Rent pe”

When I come back to senses I hear him finishing his speech “ Yehi haal raha to ek room bhi nahi le paoge rent pe ”

It is wrong to call it a new “year” resolution. At max you can call it a “week” resolution. That too very rarely. Every January I make sure that my alarm is set in time for early morning jogging and even authorize my mom to pull down my blankets and kick me hard if I don’t leave the bed. But if it continues in the second week I roar out loud covered in blanket Jai Ho style saying “ Aam student sota hua sher hai, Ungli mat kar. Kahin jaag gaya ………..toh phir se so jayega”

 Had I sincerely followed all my resolutions, I would've had 16 Pac Abs by now and biceps larger than those of Sonakshi Sinha's. And I wouldn't have been hopping like a kangaroo with my beer belly.

Today when my friend asked me “ Are you making your resolution again ? Who do you think  you are  fooling dude ? “ I make a constipated face and tilt my hat Dhoom’s Amir style and say “ Hum Law students hain dost..doosron ko hi nahin, khud ko bhi dhoka dete hain. Har Roz * Tilts Head * DHOOM WITH ME !